Truth or Dare a day with the Cullens
by lizzyvamp1901
Summary: It all started with a game of Truth or Dare. Now, the Cullens will remember that summer for the rest of their eternal lives. WARNING This fanfiction includes Edward as a stripper, DETENTION, Jazz being eaten and Bella getting arrested... by Charlie.
1. Chapter 1: The beginning

Truth or Dare-A day with the Cullens

Chapter 1: The beginning

BPOV

I entered the Cullen's house and saw Alice jumping up and down with excitement. I immediately became wary. Alice excited means trouble, big trouble. I looked up at Edward, clutching his hand tighter.

"Edward, what is that psycho over there plotting this time?" I whispered, though I knew it was no use. Of course Alice would hear! After all, she _was_ a vampire…

"I can't tell, she's just chanting over and over 'I know what we'll do today!' I must admit, she's quite good at blocking me out. It's got me worried."

'_I know what we'll do today?' Oh, no! Not another plan! God, I'm starting to hate summer!_

"Alice, wasn't going to jail once this summer _enough_ for you? Shall we repeat the experience?"

She rolled her eyes at me and sighed, exasperated.

"_Of course_ we won't go to jail this time! If you had just followed my instructions while we were egging Mike's house that wouldn't have happened."

"Alice, do you have any idea how embarrassing it was to have _my dad_ arrest me? Charlie almost had a fit!"

"Well, Bella, you must admit he deserved it. Eddie told me what he was thinking and it wasn't

proper at all." Emmet said, entering the house. Rosalie trailed after him, a scowl on her face.

"Alice, spit it out _now_!" Rose said. God, she looked _really_ intimidating when she growled like that…

"I'm just waiting for Jazz to get here so we can start. You _know_ I hate saying things twice! Now shut up and wait, he'll be here in 3, 2, 1…"

Jasper appeared as if on cue. Of course, knowing Alice, this wasn't such a big deal. She _always_ knew when her husband would arrive.

"_Now_ we may start. Today, we will play… Truth or dare!" There was a collective groan in the room. Alice was famous for her horrid dares, and her truth's made you want to _die_!

Alice stopped jumping. Her eyes lost focus for a moment and then she started jumping faster than I thought was possible. She was really hyper today. I felt Edward's hand leave mine and looked at him to see what was wrong. What I saw left me speechless. Edward was rolling on the floor, clutching his sides, laughing like there was no tomorrow! Alice must have seen something hysterical.

"Wha-" I started to say. Edward cut me off. In one swift motion he grabbed me by the waist and led me into the garden.

"Bella, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity!" He said, still laughing, "Please cooperate with Alice, you won't regret it! Please!

He was begging. Edward Cullen was actually begging. This must be good. How could I refuse? Besides, it took a lot to make Edward laugh.

"Fine" I answered, and he carried me back into the house, where Alice was still jumping hysterically. I swear, that girl has problems.

"Well, everyone, sit down so we can start already!" Squealed Alice.

Everyone sat down immediately, we had learned that it was best to respect Alice during the course of the last 9 days. After what she did to Emmet, none of us ever dared to make her mad again. That, and the fact that she had scarred us for life made her the most feared vampire in the Cullen household.

We all looked at each other. I was sure this was a game we would never forget, for better or for worse. When Alice left the room to get a video camera, I was proved right. This would haunt us for the rest of eternity.

"I'll start! Now, who shall I pick?" Alice looked around the circle with mischief. This was never a good sign. I feared for my life.

_Don't let her pick me, don't let her pick me!_

"I choose… Emmet!" Alice grinned; Rosalie looked like a deer caught in the headlights and Emmet's face clearly said 'bring it on.'

"Emmet, truth or dare?"

"Isn't it obvious? Dare!" Emmet's confidence had returned in full force. Typical of Emmet.

Alice smiled evilly and Emmet gulped.


	2. Chapter 2: Mrs Cope

Chapter 2: Mrs. Cope

BPOV

"I dare you to go to Mrs. Cope's house without a shirt and ask for a cup of sugar in your sexiest voice."

Rosalie looked like she would strangle Alice any second, now. Emmet was really embarrassed. The rest of us were laughing.

Emmet stood up slowly and unbuttoned his shirt with a resigned face. All traces of laughter ceased. Alice was filming everything. Emmet was never going to live this down, and you could tell he realized it. He went to the kitchen for a mug, and Alice followed with the camera.

"Let's go!" Alice said, and it was obvious that if it wasn't for the camera she would be jumping.

We all filed into the car. In a few minutes, we arrived at Mrs. Cope's house. As we hid in the bushes, Emmet glared at Alice, who smiled sweetly at him. He then took a deep breath and knocked on the door. Mrs. Cope opened it while holding her bathrobe tight.

"Emmet Cullen? What are you doing here?" Emmet flashed Mrs. Cope a smile and she was instantly dazzled.

"Good morning, Mrs. Cope. I was wondering if you had a cup of sugar I could borrow, my mom needs some."

Emmet's sexy voice worked. Mrs. Cope's jaw dropped open, her eyes roamed Emmet's bare chest and she threw her bathrobe to the floor. Underneath it was a set of red French lingerie.

"I see, Emmet. Come inside and I'll see what I can do for you" She said, dragging poor Emmet inside.

Alice tiptoed towards the window, but at that moment Mrs. Cope closed the blinds. There was nothing to do but wait.

EMPOV

I had a plan-an evil plan!

_Edward if you dare to say a word about this you will suffer. Don't let Alice ruin it, either._

Mrs. Cope led me to her kitchen and bent to grab the sugar. She was wearing a _thong,_ which exposed her greasy rear end.

_That woman, Edward, has some serious issues. Just look at her! Wearing a thong in front of a student, disgraceful! _

She poured me a cup and then set the sugar in its place. The lunatic leaned against the counter in what I imagine she thought was a very sexy pose, but it made her look quite ridiculous. We had already spent five minutes in here, but I needed to stall for my plan to work. Before I could utter a single word Mrs. Cope shocked me by touching her chest and sighing.

"Emmet" She purred, "Is there anything else I can offer?" I immediately caught the double meaning in her words and shuddered inwardly just thinking about it. 10 minutes.

"Well, Mrs. Cope, I think that would be all I need, but before I leave I would like to compliment you on your choice of clothes. They are extremely becoming."

The woman inched towards me and put a hand over my chest. She then tousled my hair.

"Emmet, are you sure you don't need anything? My husband is out, it wouldn't be a bother" Another double meaning!

_This woman is insane!_

15 minutes. Bingo!

"No thanks, Mrs. Cope, I really must go. Good bye!"

It took all my self-control not to run outside.

RPOV

"Alice, what have you done? Emmet's been in there for 10 minutes and pouring some sugar doesn't take that long!" I hissed.

Of course, I knew that whore didn't stand a chance against me, but, who knows what she's doing to my poor little Emmet in there?

Alice rolled her eyes.

"Rose, if Emmet wants to screw a 50-year-old, who am I to stop him?"

_She did not just say that!_

I lunged at Alice before anyone could stop me. She dropped the camera. I dragged her into the forest and enjoyed the next 10 minutes giving her the beating of her life!

By the time I was done with her, she had twigs in her hair, mud all over and looked terrible in general. I heard the most divine sound in my world: Emmet laughing and cheering.

"Way to go, Rose!" He then grabbed me and kissed me passionately.

EMPOV

I left the house and saw no one outside except Bella and Edward, who had the camera in his hands.

_Where?_

"In the forest.Your plan worked" I left when I saw Edward explaining to Bella, and they trailed behind me.

_Ha ha ha , Alice is getting beaten up by Rose, and Rose mad is something no one escapes alive from. _

I followed Rose's scent and saw Jasper about to break up the fight.

"Aw, Jazz, don't be a party pooper" I said, holding him back.

The fight was going just as I expected. Alice's clothes weren't fit to be seen, which she hated, her hair was tangled and full of twigs and she had mud all over.

Rose stopped punching Alice and I let Jazz go. I saw them hug and yelled.

"Way to go, Rose!" Then I gave her the best kiss ever, as a thank you gift.

Edward filmed it all.


	3. Chapter 3: Sexy Cowboy

Chapter 3: Sexy Cowboy

BPOV

Emmet grinned all the way home. This was bad. _Very_ bad. I could only hope he wouldn't want revenge on me for any particular reason. I replayed the events of the last few days in my mind. I didn´t think I´d done anything to offend him, but Emmet´s mind worked in strange and mysterious ways, as Edward knew well.. With Emmet you can never be sure.

As we got to the house, I turned around to see Alice vanish and Rosalie run after her. I looked at Edward and raised an eyebrow. He smirked.

"Alice tried to take a shower, but Rose caught up to her and reminded her that our rules state that no one may change out of his or her clothes once the game has begun. She wasn't pleased. Rose likes the rules because they mean Emmet has to stay bare-chested for the rest of the game." Edward said, laughing.

As he spoke, Alice descended down the stairs with Rose behind her. She sat down on the floor with the rest of us and started to sulk until Jazz whispered something in her ear that made her giggle and kiss him. Rose snuggled up to Emmet, who looked more mischievous than ever and Edward put his arm around me. Emmet began to speak.

"I choose… Jazz!! Truth or Dare, bro?" As he looked at Jasper and Alice's stunned faces, we all began to laugh. Suddenly, Alice had a vision which made her look scared for her mate's life. Edward laughed harder and I knew if he could, he would be crying right then and there.

"Dare" Of course! Jazz was a _soldier_ for Pete's sake! If _he _wasn't brave, none of us was. Emmet had the look of a 5-year-old that had just gotten a lollipop. Jazz was as calm as ever.

"I dare you to use that cowboy outfit Alice made you wear once and go around town yelling and lassoing while sending waves of lust to everything alive in Forks."

Jazz didn't look so calm now. In fact, he looked pretty nervous. A giggle escaped from me and that was all it took for all of us to start laughing. Everyone, that is, except Alice and Jasper.

"Well, Jazz? We're waiting…" Edward prompted. Jasper stood up and went upstairs with Alice. He was back down in a few minutes wearing the hottest cowboy outfit on _Earth_! I started to imagine Edward in that but stopped when Jazz looked at me questioningly. I stared at Edward, at Jazz's clothes and he laughed. Edward looked at me and smiled. I blushed. He had obviously read Jasper's mind.

Alice grabbed Jasper's hand and we followed them outside and into the car. With Rose driving, we arrived at the school in a few moments. The only people there were some teachers that were standing inside the building. Jazz took a deep breath and stepped outside. He then started prancing and jumping around the lawn and I felt a wave of lust pass over me. I turned to Edward and couldn't resist. I started kissing him and stopping was impossible.

JPOV

This couldn't be any more embarrassing. All the people were starting to come outside. I could see the principal staring at me. The teachers were laughing. Edward had Bella on the floor, and I could see him starting to move his hand up her shirt. I quickly sent a wave of seriousness in their direction and saw him look at me gratefully. Bella was, of course, blushing furiously. It was time to stop Rose and Emmet too, because he was about to lose his pants. They stood up, barely able to control themselves and went inside the polarized car.

I started jumping and yelling louder as I moved towards the police station. Humans were starting to follow me, the girls were yelling and trying to grab my ass, but I was too fast. Everyone was going crazy.

I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder and turned around to see Jessica and Lauren catching up with me. I started to run faster and faster.

After what seemed an eternity but was probably an hour, I arrived back at the school and quickly climbed into the car, where Emmet and Rose were passionately making out.

Alice arrived moments after me and Edward climbed in with Bella hot on his heels. I sent embarrassment towards Emmet and Rose and then we were on our way.


	4. Chapter 4: Mike's gift

Chapter 4: Mike's gift

BPOV

As we reached the house, I started wondering what I would do if my turn was next. Choosing truth would be wiser, especially seeing all the crazy stuff that had been going on. As we started to sit down, I saw Alice having a vision _again_! Edward whispered in my ear.

"No matter what you do, Bella, do not choose truth under any circumstances. Jazz is the best at finding embarrassing questions to ask."

"Was that what Alice's vision was about?"

"Yes."

"Well, what was the question?"

"Believe me, you _really_ don't wanna know." Edward smiled.

Rose sat down with Emmet and Jasper cleared his throat.

"Bella, I'm really sorry, but it's your turn. Truth or Dare, sister?"

EPOV

"Dare" Said my angel, blushing softly.

I then saw the worst picture ever coming from Alice's head. Something so horrid and unnatural it made me grab Bella and take her into my arms for protection.

I saw the vile worm called Mike Newton kissing my precious angel _in the lips_.

I growled. Bella shifted next to me and looked into my face.

"Edward, what's wrong?" I clutched her tighter.

_Everything_ was wrong, everything! My angel will not touch that pitiful excuse for a boy, _never_! I'd rather die! I will tear his arms off. I will make him wish he was dead…

"_Edward, say one word and Jazz will get a worse dare for her" _I growled at Alice.

Bella looked alarmed at my behavior.

"Everything's fine, love" I lied, smoothly.

"I dare you to kiss Mike Newton on the lips while wearing red lipstick." Damn that Jasper!

Everyone began to laugh. Bella hid her beautiful face in my shoulder, blushing a new shade of red.

"Aw, come on, Bella! Think of it as a charity case!" Boomed Emmet, laughing. I growled at him.

"Oh, and, by the way Bella, you'll have to do it while I send waves of lust through both of you"

Alice's new vision filled my mind.

BPOV

Oh. My. God.

I can't believe I'm doing this. After 10 minutes of trying to convince Jazz to change the bet, Edward and I were resigned. I was blushing, he was sulking next to me. I kissed him softly. He grabbed my hair and deepened the kiss. _Whoa. That_ doesn't happen often.

He must be _really_ jealous. That is _so _hot!

I felt the car stop and broke the kiss. Edward and I were both panting for breath and Jazz sent a wave of peace towards us.

I stood on Mike's porch as my vampire family hid in the bushes. I took a deep breath to gather my courage and knocked on the door.

Mike opened it.

Alice and I had spent the whole drive to Mike's house rehearsing what I should say and do.

"Um… Hi, Mike" I blushed. _Again._

"Hi, Bella! It's good to see you! Come in…" Mike looked happy to see me. _That_ was a bad sign.

"Actually, Mike, I just came to give you something…" And then, just as Alice had told me, it happened. Jazz sent a huge wave of lust through us and I swear if Edward had been next to me he'd have lost his clothes by now.

Mike grabbed my face and mashed my lips against his violently. _Ew_!

EPOV

As Newton's lips met Bella's, it took all my self-control (and my family's strength) not to tear him off her. The kiss deepened. His left hand ran down _my girlfriend's _rear end and I watched in horror as he grabbed her legs and wrapped them around his torso. Jealousy ran through my veins. By now, Mike had lipstick all over his face, and Bella's arms wrapped around his neck. Though I'd seen this in Alice's vision and I knew that it was Jazz's doing, it was still torture. Mike squeezed Bella's-I'll say it-butt.

He carried Bella inside and closed the door. His thoughts gave away the fact that he _really_ wanted to take her clothes off. I wasn't about to let that happen. This was going too far.

I broke free of Emmet's arms and knocked on the door. Mike opened it, his hands under Bella's shirt. Jasper stopped the lust and Bella quickly pushed Mike off her and wiped her mouth. She clung to me.

"Edward, I'm- I'm _so_ sorry!" Bella whispered, sobbing. She was crying. This stupid game had made her cry. I kissed her tears away.

"Come on, Bella. You already did the dare. Time to go. Bye, Mike"

"But-but…" Mike was stunned. I smirked at him and left, carrying Bella into the car. Then, with the door open and Mike watching we kissed. I had never kissed her like that. It was perfect.

"I love you" I mumbled against Bella's lips. She was _my_ angel.

"I love you too" Those words coming from her mouth were the most perfect sounds in my world.


	5. Chapter 5: Dogs never obey

Chapter 5: Wal-Mart

BPOV

I looked around the circle formed by my family as we sat on the floor.

I couldn't, of course, pick Edward. Alice must be the last one because she had begun and I had only one option left.

"I choose Rosalie. Truth or dare, Rose?" I whispered, knowing she would hear.

"Dare" Rose was no chicken. What could I do?

"I dare you to ask Jacob out on a date" Rose gasped audibly. Emmet started to laugh, which caused Rose to smack him on the back of his head with a _COSMO_ magazine. Alice smiled and suddenly none of us could contain our laughter. Jasper sent waves of mirth through the room, which made us laugh even harder.

Rosalie glared at me and went upstairs slowly. Emmet, for once, didn't follow her. She came back after a few minutes wearing a tight black mini skirt, stiletto heels and a red blouse that showed off her cleavage. Emmet whistled.

"Let's go" Said Rose, all business.

We climbed into the car and quickly drove to the La Push border. The wolves appeared after a few minutes and we hid behind the car.

"Jacob Black, we need to talk" That was Rose. She didn't beat around the bush, she went straight to the point whether you liked it or not.

Jake disappeared into the forest and came back wearing only a pair of shorts.

"So, leech, what's the problem? You trying to commit suicide here? Because I, for one, would be happy to oblige…" Like _that_ would discourage Rose.

"I'd like to talk _alone_, if you're not afraid, of course"

Jake puffed out his chest in an attempt at bravado. He nodded and the rest of the pack disappeared behind the trees.

"Iwaswonderingifyouwouldgoonadatewithme."

Jake looked stunned. If he said no, Rose would be pretty embarrassed. He smirked. Suddenly, I feared for his life. Rose was a force of nature when she was mad.

"Sorry, Blondie, I don't date bloodsuckers. Good luck next time, though."

Rose's face was livid. He caught Jake by the hair and raised him high into the air.

"Guys, you can come out now, I've done the dare." She said, turning towards us. Then she looked at Jacob and said, "Joke's on _you_, mutt"

Jake's eyes were as wide as saucers-no, bigger.

We stepped out from behind the car. I smiled at Jake and waved.

"Now, dog, I will tell you something and you better listen, because I'm not saying it twice, you hear?" Jake nodded, speechless for the first time in his life. "I would never, _ever, _date someone even remotely like you, OK? You know what the most pathetic thing about you is? That you obviously have no taste. Hasta la vista, pup!" With that, Rose flung Jacob into a tree, which broke due to the impact.

Rose quickly climbed into the car. The rest of us collapsed into a heap and laughed our butts off. We left when the wolves saw Jake and started to snarl.


	6. Chapter 6: Alone

Chapter 6: Alone

EPOV

We sat down immediately. Rose smiled. That was scary.

"I choose Eddie! Truth or Dare, kid?" I hate it when she called me 'Eddie' and she _knew_ it. I tried to get into her head but she blocked me out by singing a song I hadn't heard.

"Dare" Huh, maybe that wasn't smart, but I do have pride…

"I dare you to spend 30 minutes alone with Bella in your room" OK, who are you and what have you done to my sister? Seriously, Rose can do better than that. Where's the catch?

"OK, let's go, Bella" I grabbed her hand and helped her up. She smiled and I carried her to my room at vampire speed. I sat on the couch and the loveliest girl on the planet settled on my lap. This would be one short hour. At least, that was what I thought until I heard Jazz's thoughts.

'_Sorry, man. Really.'_

I felt a wave of lust pass through me. I wanted Bella _now_. Of course, I always wanted her, but this was more intense. I _needed_ her. So this was Rose's plan!

God, how bitter can you _get_?

I could tell Bella felt it too when she left my lap and quickly sat in the opposite corner of the room. I wanted her so much, it actually _hurt_.

"So… half an hour, huh?" Bella laughed weakly.

She was trying to make me feel better. Wow. She really _is_ an angel!

_Iloveyoubellailoveyoubellailoveyoubellailoveyoubellailoveyoubellailoveyoubellailoveyou!_

"I love you" I whispered hoarsely.

"I love you too" She whispered back.

_Shelovesmeshelovesmeshelovesmeshelovesmeshelovesmeshelovesmeshelovesme!_

She stood up slowly and sat on the bed, gripping its sides until her knuckles were white. Jasper affected humans more than vampires, so this must be harder for her than for me.

I opened the window and let the fresh air fill the room.

It didn't help.

She smelled good, looked good and I knew for a fact she tasted good.

'_I want you, Bella' _I mouthed at her.

She smiled sweetly at me, making my dead heart soar.

'_So do I' S_he mouthed back.

_Five minutes had gone by. _Only five minutes? It had seemed an eternity to me. I groaned. That was my mistake.

"Edward, are you OK?" She said, rushing to my side and grabbing my hand in her concern.

Electricity flowed between us at her touch, just like that day in Mr. Banner's classroom.

I drew her to me, kissed her, and immediately lost every ounce of self-control in my possession.

I kissed every inch of her bare skin. Bella shivered with pleasure.

_Ten minutes._

I kissed her full lips. Her arms slowly snaked around my neck.

_Eleven minutes._

Nothing else existed, the universe didn't matter, nothing did except the fact that I was kissing the most perfect person on Earth.

I lost track of time. That was bad, I had to resist, and I had to be strong…

I broke away from Bella and stood up to examine my CD collection. We were both panting heavily. Her heart was going at a speed I hadn't thought possible.

_Fourteen minutes._

I started to search for the heaviest metal rock I could find. I saw a Metallica CD and immediately put it in my CD player. The "music" started to pour out of it and I quickly turned the volume as loud as I could.

"I didn't know you liked Metallica, Edward" Laughed Bella

"I don't" I shouted over the music

The metal music was having the intended effect: Bella and I couldn't talk, but the lust was as strong as the music.

My relief ended as soon as the music did.

_Seventeen minutes_

Hum. I was actually counting minutes, willing them to pass. How unlike me. Then I remembered a small band consisting of three brothers. Their music was pretty good, unlike most modern bands'. Actually, there was one song in particular that could describe this situation pretty well… I quickly went towards the CD shelves again and found the album I wanted: It's about time.

The music started playing and I switched to the song I wanted this time: Six minutes.

_One minute and the Earth begins to shake_

_Two minutes and my heart begins to break_

_Another minute and she makes me feel brand-new_

_That's just three minutes with you_

_Four minutes and she's everything I see_

_Five minutes and she's where I wanna be_

_Another minute, everything just feels so new_

_I need six minutes with you_

_Six minutes_

Bella laughed when the chorus ended. It was hard to hear even with my sensitive ears but her laugh still filled my mind. It was a happy sound, like someone was clanging silver bells together. And though she objected that it wasn't as pretty as Alice's, it was still one of the most beautiful sounds in my world. The prettiest one was her voice when she said 'I love you.'

Or so I thought.

She started to sing along with the song:

_I wish that I_ _was on the radio_

_I'd sing her favorite song; she'd be front row in every show_

_This party's lame and now I'm running out of time_

_I've only got six minutes if I'm gonna make her mine_

Oh. My. God.

Her voice kept singing along an octave higher that the song and I just couldn't believe that such a beautiful sound existed. It was better than a chorus of angels.

"Edward? Are you there? Knock, knock. Hey! Eddie…" Called Bella, waving her hands in an attempt to get my attention "The song ended about a minute ago and I swear if you were human you'd have drool coming out of your mouth for staring at me so long. What are you looking at anyway?"

I tried to focus.

"I'm looking at you. You can sing. That was- wow. I'm amazed."

She blushed

_Twenty two minutes_

Well. At least it's almost over…

"Edward, can I ask you something?"

"Sure, love. What do you want?" She blushed _again_.

"Promise me you'll never make me sing"

Oops. No way. Nuh-uh. Never.

"I could promise that, but I wouldn't keep the promise. Is that OK?"

"Edward, listen…"

I interrupted her. It was necessary, but rude. Very rude.

"No, Bella,_ you_ listen. Hearing you sing was amazing. I want to hear that again. So I can make the promise and break it, or not promise anything. I think I'll go with the second option, this time"

She sighed.

"I suppose there's no way to make you change your mind…" She said, walking slowly towards me "…unless I give you something in return"

"Bella, nothing you say or do will make me…" I was cut off by her lips on mine. Hum, being silenced like this isn't so bad…

_Twenty five minutes_

OK. Five more minutes. Only five. I can handle that. Don't do anything you'll regret later, Edward…

_Whoa_. This kiss is getting pretty intense, if I do say so myself. Hey! What _in the name of heaven_ is Bella doing? Is she?-no, she can't be… Oh my _God_! This proves it. My girlfriend just lost her mind while kissing me. _Great_.

_Twenty eight minutes_

Two minutes. I already waited 107 years for her and you can bet I'm not waiting anymore! I give in.

…

Emmet opened the door two minutes later. I was too busy to care.

"Well little bro-whoa" Emmet started to stutter, seeing us for the first time. I felt the lust in me die down and stood up from my compromising position "Oh, no, Eddie, don't let me interrupt! You two kids have fun" Emmet grinned. He was out of the room in a flash.

Bella was incredibly red. I thought she would faint.

"Um, I think we'd better…" Bella said, walking towards the door.

This was so _awkward_!

"Yeah, let's go" I took her into my arms and we were downstairs in a moment.

Everyone was laughing. Bella was still blushing furiously. Rose looked pleased with the results of her stupid dare.

"Have a nice time, Edward?" Rose asked sweetly. Alice giggled.

'_Poor Edward, he'll never live this down. Neither will Bella. Maybe I shouldn't have sent so much lust…'_

'_Aw man, I won't be able to tease Eddie anymore! Or maybe I will…'_

'_Ha ha. I am so smart! An evil genius. This was perfect. I thought Alice would throw up when she started having visions…'_

'_Block that image, Alice! You don't want to remember that…'_ Alice was trying her best not to remember one of her visions about Bella and I, but it clearly wasn't working.

"As a matter of fact, Rose, I did. Thanks for asking, sister"

Rose just glared.

"Well, I think it's really obvious that I pick Alice. Truth or dare, fortune teller?"


	7. Chapter 7: Walgreens

Chapter 7: Walgreens-the beginning of the end

BPOV

"Dare"

I was sure Edward hadn't picked a dare yet. That was the only reason I could think of for Alice accepting. His smile told me I was right.

"Since we will go out with Esmé and Carlisle tonight, I dare you to wear clothes from Walgreens, picked by Bella, when we go out to the movies like you saw in your vision. All of us will be able to dress normally and shower, but you will wear those clothes for the rest of the day. Rosalie will do your hair and make-up. Girls, I trust you with this" Edward stated calmly, looking at us "The clothes must be approved by me, since you are such good friends. I will also supervise the make-up before we leave. Bella, Rose, Alice, you can leave- now!"

Alice stood up and immediately took our hand in hers. We got into the car and left for Walgreens seconds later.

"OK, people, I blocked my thoughts with Edward so he won't know our plan. Bella, I will choose clothes with potential with your approval. Rose, get terrible make-up, we've got good stuff at home" We arrived at the store and left the car "I will find the shoes. Now, split!"

Rose, Alice and I went running into the store immediately. We were girls with a mission.

APOV

Edward. I would kill him! What he did was plain mean and he knew it. Make _me,_ Mary Alice Brandon-Cullen, dress in Clothes from _Walgreens_! I couldn't believe he was arrogant enough to think it would work… Good think I had practice blocking my thoughts.

I entered the shoe section. Walgreens didn't even have cheap Prada, Gucci, or Chanel imitations! It only had shoes from an unknown designer with terrible taste. No wonder no one knew who Stephenie Meyer was. Shoes weren't her forte. She should have become something that didn't require people seeing you (or what you wore) a lot-like an author.

I needed something ugly but with potential. Huh. That was hard to find. Luck was needed. I started walking up and down the aisles, hoping to find something cute-like me! Suddenly my feet stopped of their own accord and the red shoes I was holding fell from my hands. I started to see myself walking down an aisle next to some green skirts and finding some really cute black ballet flats with some red ribbons that ruined them almost beyond repair. _Almost_. But not quite ruined.

The vision ceased and I swiftly picked up the stilettos and put them in a box. I left them on a rack and started searching for the green skirts. I turned a corner and saw them. _Bingo! _I ran towards the middle of the aisle in front of the skirts and found the shoes, and they were my exact number too!

"Yes!" I yelled, jumping up and down like I'd just won the lottery. Everyone turned around and stared at me. Oops. I stopped jumping, turned on my heel and left towards the exit to pay the shoes.

RPOV

I headed towards the make-up side of the store. This would be too easy. Every living male in the store turned to look at me as I walked by. The salesgirl in the make-up counter watched me with envy. Who _didn't_ envy me? Only someone blind.

"Hello, miss. Do you need any help?" The girl looked like her eyes would pop out. Then she smiled, showing a mouth full of crooked teeth and braces. Her dentist must be rich by now.

My polite upbringing took over me

"No, thank you" I smiled back.

"I'll be here if you need anything" She insisted

I nodded politely. Yeah, right. Like _that_ would happen.

I started browsing and found some terrible make-up in bright orange, green and blue. Poor Alice. She would have to enter the cinema like this. Oh, well. I would fix it later, anyway.

I then found some acceptable make-up of some unknown brand. It wasn't as good as Lancome, Clinique, or Dior, but it was something. I quickly stocked my cart with everything necessary and left the make-up aisles to pay.

The cashier smiled in a way that he must have thought was sexy but made him look more repulsive than he already was, if that was possible. Ew. I smiled and dazzled him. He couldn't stop staring.

"Hello? Um… Are you OK? Hello?" I waved my hand in front of his face and he finally reacted. This was great for my self-esteem, but it was really irritating sometimes.

"Huh? Oh, sorry, miss. That would be $3.25" The cashier recovered surprisingly fast.

I met Alice at the car and we both left our purchases there. Apparently Bella was still in the store. We turned around and went right inside, together.

BPOV

I headed towards the clothes section after a perverted clerk stared at my chest for 3 minutes straight. I missed Edward.

After some time searching, I found some really ugly ankle length denim skirts. Alice could cut them and make a mini in no-time. Then I started browsing in the shirts section and finally found a horrid red shirt with a V-neck and long sleeves that ruined it. We would just cut the sleeves into thin straps. That would look great on Alice and show off her slim figure.

Suddenly I felt a tiny hand on my shoulder.

"Well, have you found anything, Bella? Ooh, these are great! You, my dear sister, are an evil genius. I never thought this about you… The clothes have lots of potential. I just hope Edward won't find out. Let me check." Alice's face went blank for a few seconds and then she smiled, returning to the present. "Nope, looks like everything will work out fine. Let's go pay, girls!"

Alice was so excited she actually skipped towards the exit. Rose and I looked at one another and shrugged.

"Alice will be Alice" We said at the same time, which made us laugh hysterically. We found Alice in the car (thanks to Rose's nose) and climbed in. Rose put the good make-up in her bag.

Alice turned up the music and we sang all the way home. It was lots of fun. I didn't know she and Rose had such great taste in music.

We arrived at the beautiful white house to find Edward on the doorstep waiting for us.

"Well, girls, let's see what you've got. Alice, there is no way out of this, so don't even try to manipulate me. It won't work." Alice gave a pretend groan and Edward laughed. He looked at me and Alice winked when his back was turned.

We went inside and settled on the living-room. Rose took out our bags and handed them to Edward. He inspected them and looked at Rose and I.

"Great job, girls. Do you have some grudge against Alice that I don't know about?" Rose and I shrugged. Edward was actually falling for it! And he said I wasn't a good actress… Ha! I was beyond that. Real actors are so good, you'll never catch them acting. "Well, sis, time to go change"

Alice grabbed the bags and headed towards the bathroom with Rose hot on her heels to do her make-up. Around 10 minutes later (vampires are _fast_) they came out and Alice looked as horrid as a vampire can get, which meant she looked pretty damn good. The look on her face was heartbreaking, but Edward seemed immune to it.

Carlisle and Esme arrived. They looked at their beautiful daughter and their mouths flew open with shock.

"Wha-"

"How-"

The two vampires were at a loss of words. Esme, like a true woman, recovered faster than her husband.

"Alice, we are going out tonight, as I'm sure you've seen. Are you going out like that?" Esme asked tactfully.

"Yes, Esme, I am" Carlisle and Esme couldn't find out about our games of truth or dare, that was the golden rule.

"Well, alright, dear" Esme loved Alice too much to tell her that her outfit totally sucked.

Rose led me to her room so I could borrow clothes and make-up. After 5 minutes she was done with me. The torture was over.

I looked in the mirror and a beautiful girl stared back. Was that my _face_? Oh. My. God. Rose was great!

"Rosalie, I didn't know you were so good with make-up! How did you manage?" Rose smiled warmly.

"It's not only the make-up, it's a person's potential that determines how you end up looking. You, my dear sister, have lots of potential" Well, heck! That really helped a girl's self-esteem.

Rose and I went back downstairs an Edward's mouth opened in shock when he saw me. Huh. _That_ was an interesting reaction.

"Bella, you look-wow. Not that you don't always look this good, it's just that-I mean-wow!" Edward stuttered. Wait a second! Edward _stuttered_? Now my boyfriend wasn't even being coherent. Great!

We all piled into the car moments after.

"So… Where are we going?"

"We're going to the cinemas to watch a new vampire movie. It's called Queen of the Damned and they say it's really good. Mostly, though, it'll make us laugh" Said Carlisle.

Emmet grinned. "Yeah, those vampire movies really suck! And I actually broke a table from laughing so hard when I read Dracula"

"Wait a second, Emmet. Are you trying to tell me you _read_ Dracula? As in, read the _book_?" I asked. Edward laughed.

"Well, with Eddie bothering me for three years (literally) yes, I did. I read a book!" Emmet said, proud of himself. We all laughed.

When we got to the cinema, I started to act uncomfortable, just like Alice had told me to.

"Bella, are you OK?" Edward looked at me with concern. Alice had a vision of me asking to go to the bathroom with the girls. Edward looked embarrassed.

"Let's go, Bella!" Alice saved me the mortification of having to say it (as the plan stated) and we quickly left.

We got to the bathroom and Rose immediately got to work with Alice. I quickly cut the sleeves off the shirt and improved it a lot. Then I started to work on the skirt, but I wasn't strong enough to cut the denim.

"Rose, I can't-"

"OK, just do Alice's eye shadow and I'll cut it. Use the silver one" Rose took the scissors off my hands and started cutting.

When we were done, we stepped back to look at our masterpiece. Alice looked like a supermodel-literally. She could be on a runway and no one would be the wiser. I smiled at Rose and we high-fived. Alice looked in the mirror and grinned.

"Mission accomplished"

We ran out of the bathroom and I quickly looked at my new watch-a gift from Edward from my last birthday. Only seven minutes had gone by. Perfect.

We gave up our tickets and scanned the room to see where the guys were sitting. They had gotten seats all the way at the top of the cinema. We ran up the stairs and I sat down behind Edward. Jasper was on his right, which meant Alice had to pass in front of him to get to her seat. When she did, Edward gaped.

"Alice, the dare said you couldn't change clothes"

"I didn't, I just cut them! Don't I look great?" Alice said, smiling. Edward growled.

"I'll get you back for this, Alice"

"Sure you will!" Alice said, acting like Edward was a five-year-old who said he would be president when he turned eight. "Now, let's watch this movie"

We all settled down on our seats, waiting for the movie to begin. Edward was sulking.

Alice had won once again.


	8. Chapter 8: The end

Chapter 8: The End

BPOV

Emmet was laughing. The seats were starting to shake.

"Emmet, control yourself, people are _staring_…" Rose whispered self-consciously. It was true. People were staring.

"Emmet, if you don't stop soon, someone's gonna call the manager" Edward as really exasperated. Sure, the movie was very funny, but we could all control ourselves. But not Emmet.

He went on laughing.

"I'm-haha-so sorry-haha-trying to stop-haha" Emmet was gasping for air he didn't need.

Suddenly I saw a man stand up, glare at us, and leave the room.

"Emmet, now you've done it!" Groaned Edward as the man came back in escorted by a cinema employee. The kid came closer and I recognized Eric Yorkie. Carlisle hid his face in shame.

"Edward Cullen? What are you guys doing here?!" Eric looked stunned "Well, it doesn't matter. I've gotten complaints about Emmet's laughing and you'll have to leave. Sorry"

We all stood up slowly and left the room with as much dignity as possible. Emmet was _still_ laughing. We got out of the cinema and Rose hit Emmet in the back of his head.

"Idiot" She said bluntly "I actually liked that movie, it was so funny"

"Rose, I'm so-"

"Don't talk to me, Emmet. Do you know how humiliating it was to be escorted out of a movie by _Eric Yorkie_?!" And with that, Rose got into the car and slammed the door in Emmet's face. Alice and I quickly got in too so he couldn't sit next to her and we left for home.


	9. Chapter 9: The good ole days

**OK YOU GUYS CONVINCED ME TO MAKE MORE... JEEZ, IM MANIPULATED TOO EASILY**

Chapter 9: The good ole days

BPOV

_Some days after…_

"I'm bored" Alice whimpered.

Emmet sighed.

"So am I" He said, acting like a little kid again.

"Do they do this every summer?" I asked Edward.

"Unfortunately. And _that_ is one of the main reasons every single one of us has been in jail"

"Huh?"

Edward sighed.

"Every year Alice and Emmet start complaining about how bored they are. Then the rest of us get sick of their whining and agree to do something or the other with them. And somehow, we always end up in jail"

"Would you tell me the first time it happened?" I inquired, my curiosity awakened.

"Well…" Edward looked uncomfortable. Emmet perked up immediately.

"I'll tell you, Bella!"

"You wouldn't" Edward threatened.

"He would" Alice stated, filing her nails. Edward hid his head in his hands and Emmet grinned.

"It was during the summer of 1967. Alice and I wanted to do something new. So, we decided we should go out and have a little fun. Don't ask me how, but the five of us ended up in a bar called 'Tequila' (which was really cool, by the way). So we started dancing, you know, having fun. The guys and I decided to get some drinks for the girls because they were sick of dancing and wanted to sit down and talk. Well, it took us about five minutes to get the drinks and get back to the girls. Imagine our surprise when we saw them dancing with two guys!"

"They were hot, we were bored, get over it!" Alice said saucily.

"After a while, the girls got tired of the pervs trying to get into their pants and grabbing their butts and we stepped in. We gave the guys what they deserved but the fight got so good the police came and 'broke us apart'. Jazz and I had to spend the night in jail"

"_We_" Said Alice "were mad at _them_ 'cause they had ruined our night. So we decided to stay at the bar with Eddie and go bail them out at three or four a.m. Anyway, Rose and I went to the bathroom to look at ourselves and we left Edward alone. By the time we got back, the table we had been sitting on was full of girls and Edward looked like he wanted to die. So this slut got bold and asked him if he wanted to have some fun. But…"

"Her boyfriend was looking for her and heard everything. He went to get the police and accused Edward of sexually harassing the girl!" By now Emmet and Alice were on the floor.

"Of course the girl said that it was true because I had refused her offer. And since I didn't have anyone to stick up for me, I ended up in jail with Emmet and Jazz while the girls went home and watched some movies" Edward finished brusquely.

"Yeah, it was lots of fun" Alice said "In fact, why don't we go to a bar tonight? I heard there´s a new one in Seattle, and if we leave in an hour we'll be back by tomorrow"

"Let's go! We haven't gone to a bar in ages. Besides, it's Friday…" Emmet agreed.

Edward groaned.

"Call Rose and Jasper" I said "And you better warn Carlisle and Esme, too. They'll want to know where we are. Meanwhile, I'll tell my dad and get some clothes"

"I'll go with you" Alice said "I've gotta approve your outfit"

And so, we left.

***


	10. Chapter 10: Beers and Bars

ALL THE ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES HERE LISTED ARE REAL. Here's the link to the page in case you need some names: .

Chapter ten: Beers and Bars

BPOV

What in the name of heaven had I gotten myself into?

I should've known that this was bad just by looking at the outfit Alice had picked out for me.

It was made up of a tight red strapless shirt and a short black mini-skirt so tiny that I was sure it was illegal in several countries. The heels were red, also. Their height? Let's just say it was dizzying.

After Alice did my make-up, we got into her Porsche and met Rose, Edward, Jazz and Emmet at their house's door.

When Edward saw me, he gaped. I giggled, and he closed his mouth. Good, I was afraid he'd start drooling.

We climbed into his Volvo, it was a tight fit but the amount of people that can fit in such a car when they have the necessary willpower is amazing.

Emmet and Jasper spent the whole ride singing the alphabet in as many languages as they knew. By the time we got to the club I was desperate to get out of the car and strangle them, and I knew I wasn't the only one.

We entered the club and immediately started to dance. Thank God Alice had thought to teach me a few moves before we got there.

Well, about three of Emmet's ridiculous dance moves after, I got tired and we girls went to find a table while the guys went to get drinks.

We had just sat down when they came back. Unfortunately, they had gotten creative.

"Hey, Rose. Your drink's called Affair. Want one?" Emmet said, wriggling his eyebrows.

Rose laughed and punched him playfully.

"Why did you guys get drinks?" I asked.

Alice shrugged.

"Alcoholic beverages are the only thing except blood that doesn't taste like shit to us" She said.

Oh. Interesting.

"I got you a Ball of fun, Alice" Said Jazz. Alice kissed him on the cheek.

"What did _you_ get, Edward?" Rose asked.

"A Naughty Angel" He replied, winking at me suggestively. I blushed and took a sip.

"This is great, Edward! Thanks"

"I'm gonna get you a drink" Rose whispered in Emmet's ear. A moment after she came back.

"Tie me to the bedpost, Emmet" She said, flirting. Emmet's eyes widened.

"I'd sure love to, Rose. I'd sure love to" He said, eyeing her while he took a sip.

We laughed.

"OMG, Jazz! I'll get_ you_ a drink!" Squealed Alice, clapping her hands. In a few seconds she was back.

"What's this one called?" Said Jasper, smiling.

"Panty dropper" Purred Alice, causing laughter to erupt once again until Jasper made us calm down.

"I guess now it's my turn" I said, leaving to go to the bar. There was a list of drinks and I quickly scanned to find a good one. There it was, the perfect drink for Edward.

"Hey, Edward. I brought you a Lion tamer" Only Edward fully understood the joke.

"Thanks, love, but I thought you were more the Fallen Angel type, yourself" I shook my head, laughing.

By the time we were finished, it was getting late. I suggested leaving, but Emmet had other ideas.

"Let's play have you ever…" He whined.

"It'll be fun" Alice said, her eyes shining.

I groaned.

"Fine" I said, sulkily. Emmet left to get the shots.

"'I'll ask!" Said Jasper, a mischievous twinkle in his eye. We closed our eyes.

"Have you ever played solitaire?" He said.

EPOV

"Have you ever given anyone a lap dance?" I wondered who had done that, if anyone had.

The table was dead quiet.

"Have you ever dressed up as a bunny?" Jasper was getting more and more ridiculous. Worse, everyone was blocking me.

"Jazz, stop now" Alice whispered. "The rest of your questions won't be of any use to the game"

"Open your eyes, now"

BPOV

I opened my eyes. Jasper hadn't drowned a single shot. Neither had I. Alice, Rose, Emmet and Edward had all drunk a shot.

"Now, Eddie" Said Emmet "You've been a bad boy. What did you do? You have to tell the whole story, kid, rules are rules"

"I have played solitaire" He whispered. Everyone looked stunned, then they burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" I asked. That wasn't wrong.

Edward hid his head in his hands.

"Bella," Rose gasped "I don't think Jasper meant the card game"

Oh.

"Tell the story, Ed" Prompted Alice.

"Well… it was the day I proposed to Bella. I don't expect you to understand, but she will" Edward said the words so fast I barely caught them.

I blushed.

"Emmet, which one did you do? Spill it!" I command, wanting to get everyone's attention off Edward.

Emmet looked embarrassed.

"I dressed up as a bunny"

Oh my God. The mental picture that came with that statement was too funny.

"It was Easter and I was nineteen. My mom made me a disguise because she wanted to remember my childhood. My father made me do it" By now, Jazz was on the floor with Alice on top of him.

Rose was trying to hold her laughter in. Edward wasn't laughing anymore, he was worried because I was getting blue.

Jasper had to control himself and calm us again.

"Alice, Rose, who did you give lap dance to? Why?" Edward asked.

"I gave one to Jasper on our honeymoon" Stated Alice. She didn't even look embarrassed!

We all turned to Rose.

"I went with a guy to a strip club. I didn't want to, but my parents made me because he was rich and might be a nice catch. Well, the strippers were all ugly, so he asked _me_ to give him a lap dance. It was the worst day of my life. I couldn't believe his nerve!" Rose said madly.

This time, no one laughed.

"Let's go home" I suggested "There's nothing to do here anymore"

Everyone agreed. The DJ wasn't playing good music anymore, and we had to get home soon anyway.

I finished my drink and we quickly left. Unfortunately, it was too late to avoid what happened next.

Of course I was drunk! The whole ride back I kept blabbing.

"Hey Edward, want me to give you a lap dance?" I tried to purr seductively, but my words slurred together.

"You won't have to play solitaire ever again, you big boy. I can keep you satisfied" I stage-whispered.

When we reached the house, everyone except Edward and I was hooting with laughter. My man shook his head, took me upstairs and sang me to sleep.

When I woke up the next day, with a terrible hangover and another embarrassing experience, I vowed to never go to a club with the Cullens again.


	11. Chapter 11: The fight

Chapter 11: The fight

BPOV

Jasper stood up so suddenly he startled me. I could almost see the light bulb glowing over his head: he had an idea.

Alice started to grin. Edward shook his head slowly.

"Um, guys? Care to spill the beans?" Said Emmet, pouting. Rose stopped looking at herself in the mirror and sat down next to him.

"Well, I was just thinking about the Civil War and how many guns it must've taken for all the soldiers. Then, I started thinking about the necessary ammunition and thought water would've been cheaper. So now, I was wondering if you guys…"

"… Would want to have a mega water fight! Yes! That is _brilliant_, Jazz!" Emmet yelled. He and Jazz high-fived.

Surprisingly, Rose seemed to like the idea. I thought she wouldn't, but apparently she was more fun-loving than I had given her credit for. She and Emmet were the perfect match.

"Well, I think that's decided, then. Everyone, put on your bathing suits ASAP!" Alice yelled, skipping off to her room to get dressed.

"Come on, Bella. I'll lend you something" Said Rose, leading me to her room.

I smiled at her.

I had never been in here. The room was blood red, with a huge bed covered with golden sheets. The curtains, too, were gold, as was the frame of the large mirror that covered the top half of the north wall.

"Rose, your room is beautiful" I whispered "But, why do you have a bed?"

She laughed.

"Edward is the only one without one. The rest of us don't actually sleep in our beds, though…" She said.

I blushed.

We went into her closet (which was, by the way, almost as big as Alice's) and she gave me a small pink bikini.

She grabbed a black one for herself and went into the bathroom to change. I didn't have long to wait, though. Vampire speed could be very useful sometimes.

It was my turn next. I quickly changed and looked at my reflection in the bathroom's mirror. I didn't look _that_ bad.

I opened the door and Rose handed me a towel. We quickly ran down the stairs.

Alice wore a silver bikini which looked great on her.

All the boys' chests were bare. Needless to say, I was too busy looking at Edward to notice anyone's outfit after that.

Jasper left and quickly returned from the basement with six huge water guns. He handed one to each of us.

"OK, this is everyone against everyone. No vampire speed allowed. Edward, you _cannot_ protect Bella. And Emmet, whatever you do we don't want to see you peeking inside Rose's bikini _or_" Jasper shuddered "Rose naked. Understood?" Everyone quickly nodded.

I climbed on Edward's back and we went to the river, filled our guns and were at the baseball clearing in no-time. Edward put me down. Next to a large basin of water Alice brought to refill our guns.

The air was thick with excitement. We spread apart as much as possible in the gigantic space.

Jasper raised his arm.

"Ready, set…" We all tensed. Jazz smiled.

"Go!" He yelled.

All hell broke loose. Alice shot a squirt of water in my direction, completely soaking me. II started running around in circles with my gun in front of me. I looked pretty funny, but I was getting my family wet.

Emmet suddenly picked me up and threw me across his shoulder.

"I have a hostage!" He yelled.

Edward tried to grab Rose, but she was too fast for him.

Before Emmet or I could react, everyone (and I do mean _everyone_) started shooting in our direction. In a few seconds we were chilled to the bone and Emmet was out of water.

"I surrender!" He laughed, putting me down. I scowled at him and shot water into his eyes while I ran away from him.

Jasper suddenly yelled.

"Hey, everyone, I've got a better idea"

We all stared at him, ready to shoot if we didn't like what he said.

"Let's use paint!" Emmet grinned. Alice thought it over and decided quickly.

"OK, but if we do we'll all have to go shopping to replace the ruined bathing suits" No one listened to my protests, and it was agreed we would use paint.

Rose quickly came back with six different paint colors that Esme had used to decorate.

"Blue for Emmet, green for Jazz, yellow for Eddie, pink for Bella, black for me and red for Alice" She listed.

Everyone nodded. Rose opened all the cans and put them on the farthest corner of the field.

"Refill!" Jasper yelled. Edward took my gun with him and brought it back full.

"Thanks" I said, giving him a quick kiss. He nodded.

"On the count of five" Emmet said "One, two, five!" He yelled.

"What happened to three and four?" I shrieked, but it was useless. I was now covered in paint.

I sighed and started shooting.

***

By the time Carlisle and Esme found us, we were extremely colorful.

"What-" Carlisle started to say, but then he got drenched with blue paint.

Everyone stopped shooting.

Carlisle took a deep breath.

"I want everyone clean and at the house in five minutes or I will have murder on my conscience" He said calmly.

Five minutes later, we all stood before him in a straight line, clean as kettles.

"You will go back to the field and clean it in less than two hours" Carlisle took out a chronometer "Your time begins now"

I guess it was the price we had to pay.


	12. Chapter 12: Flirting with icecream

Chapter 12: Flirting with an ice-cream cone

BPOV

As promised, we let Alice drag our unhappy behinds to the mall in Port Angeles. Carlisle had, to our delight, forbidden her to take us farther away.

Alice drove and Jazz sat in the passenger seat next to her. Emmet had Rose sitting on his lap and was enjoying it very much. I sat next to Edward.

Suddenly, the crazy vampire pixie turned on the music full blast. I was temporarily deafened, but Edward was thoughtful enough to cover my ears. Every vampire except Alice winced in pain. I could only imagine how Jasper felt.

Finally, after a few threats and death-wishes, Alice lowered the volume and I recognized the lyrics of "Check yes Juliet" coming from the front.

_Don't sell your heart Don't say we're not meant to be Run, baby, run Forever will be you and me._

Alice and Rose's beautiful voices united with the lead singer's deep bass, creating a perfect harmony. I sat in silence.

By the time we got to the mall, I had been scarred for life. Between Jasper's jokes and Emmet's insinuating comments, I was sure I would never be the same again.

We entered Ralph Lauren and five minutes later Alice had ten bikinis for each of us to try on. The guys quickly selected some swimming trunks and we quickly got into the dressing rooms.

"Ready?" Alice said.

"Ready!" Rose and I echoed.

The three of us stepped out of the stalls and looked at ourselves in the mirror.

Rose was wearing a strapless blue bikini, looking as gorgeous as ususal. Alice looked absolutely adorable in a cute little red bikini. Me? I had a purple bikini so tiny I felt bare naked.

I had to admit, me looked pretty good.

"We look hot" Rose said, smiling.

"Yes you do" Emmet answered, staring at his wife in awe.

Jasper let out a low whistle and Edward gave me a hug.

"Well, I usually don't go with first choices but I'll make an exception this time" Alice said, twirling around.

It was decide, we quickly paid and got out of the store.

Suddenly, Alice's face went blank.

"Alice? What was that all about? I couldn't see anything except ice-cream!" Edward said.

"Nothing, just some random vision about a kid eating an ice-cream cone" Alice shrugged, unfazed.

Edward let it drop, Alice obviously didn't wanna talk about it.

"Speaking of which, would you mind going with me to the food court? _I'd_ like some ice-cream myself" I said, suddenly hungry.

Alice quickly whispered something to Jazz. He smiled. Those two lovebirds…

In the end, Alice and Rose decided to wait for us at Victoria's Secret and the guys decided to come with me.

Something was off, though. Emmet and Jazz talked in whispers all the way to the store.

EPOV

We entered the food court and headed towards the tiny ice-cream store.

Suddenly, Eric Yorkie's perverted thoughts were being shouted at me. I growled. He was thinking about Bella.

She looked even better than usual today; she had let Alice dress her in a denim mini-skirt and a red shirt. After all, it _was_ summer.

But, where could Yorkie be? I decided to just ignore him, Bella was mine.

We reached the store and Bella ordered a large chocolate cone. Eric's thoughts were getting louder by the second.

I turned in their direction. There he was! But, what _in the name of heaven_ was he doing dressed as an ice-cream cone?!

Suddenly, I had an epiphany. Yorkie probably worked part-time at the mall on Saturdays to earn some cash. Yeah, that must be it!

Emmet and Jazz grabbed my arms.

"Edward, this is what Alice saw. Don't overreact, OK?" Asked Jazz in a whisper.

Uh-oh. That was _not_ a good sign. I nodded curtly, but they didn't let go, just to be safe.

"Hey, Bella" Yorkie said, _purring? _Oh my God. That was _so_ disturbing.

"Hi" Said Bella, creeped out.

"So, what's a pretty lady like _you_ doing hanging out in the bad side of town?" OK, now that was just plain weird.

Emmet and Jasper were having hysterics. So was I.

"Um, Eric, we're in a _mall_" Bella pointed out gently, stifling her laughter.

"Well, smart, aren't we?" Eric drawled out.

Was the guy _drunk_? No, I couldn't smell alcohol in his breath. Probably just insane.

Jasper sent a feeling of lust Yorkie's way. I snorted. Like he needed any more!

I hit Jazz on the back of the head.

"What was _that_ for?" He whispered.

"You know why" I hissed. Emmet laughed.

"So, Bella…" Yorkie pressed closer to her, forcing her to put her back against the wall "… wanna go out to dinner today? We could have a little fun afterwards"

I growled. Jazz and Emmet held me back. Yorkie wiggled his eyebrows.

He put his face closer to Bella's and put his arm on her waist. Bella shot me a desperate look, but there was nothing I could do.

Eric –that _thing_- started to raise the corner of Bella's shirt.

That was when I snapped.

My hands were suddenly on Yorkie's neck.

"Touch her and you die" I growled. The idiot started to turn blue. Bella clutched my arm and I let him go.

"We should leave now. Let's go, Emmet! Jazz!" Seconds later they stood behind me.

We quickly left.

As soon as we were out of that vile scum's sight, I beat my siblings to pieces. They deserved it. Besides, it wasn't like they could get hurt, anyways.

We went into Victoria's Secret.

"Hey, what's with the name?" Bella asked "I mean, what _is_ Victoria's secret? I've always wondered, you know?"

OK, Bella's thought processes were amazing.

"Well, Bells, I guess her secret was what she and James-y there did every night. If you know what I mean…" Emmet smiled.

"Weird, disturbing mental image in my head. Thanks a lot, Emmet!" Bella said.

We laughed.

Alice skipped out with eight bags hanging from her arms. She sighed happily.

"I love Victoria's Secret!" She squealed. Rose came out after her with three bags in her hands.

She handed them to Emmet.

"Rose…" He complained.

"If you wanna see me wearing them, you gotta carry them" Rose said. Emmet sighed.

We left the mal and headed home.


	13. Chapter 13: The Plan Begins

Chapter 13: The Plan Begins

APOV

I was hanging my new clothes up in my closet when I saw it.

My old Minnie Mouse costume!

I had used it years ago when we had decided to go out for Halloween. It obviously still fit, which gave me an idea…

I ran downstairs.

"I know what we can do today!" I squealed.

My family looked at me.

"Alice, I'm still recovering from what happened yesterday" Bella said, shuddering. Edward stroked her hair.

"Aw, you guys are so boring! What's your idea, pixie?" Emmet was always up for a little fun.

"Well, maybe we could throw a disguise party!"

Carlisle and Esme stared at me, shocked. Emmet cocked his head to the side, confused. Rose patted him absently.

"Alice, do you really think we will let you throw a party after everything that's happened?" Carlisle asked.

"Besides, we are leaving to watch a movie" Esme added. Emmet's face lit up.

"_Alone_" She said.

Carlisle stood up.

"I don't want trouble from any of you, OK? Your mother and I have not had time to ourselves in a very long time, and we intend to enjoy our date. Are we clear?" Carlisle said.

Everyone nodded, disappointed.

I knew better. I quickly checked the future while Mom and Dad left.

"Alice, a disguise party will be boring! Let's race, it'll be more fun"

Emmet grinned. I thought it over.

"But Alice," Bella said "I can't run!"

I rolled my eyes.

"We'll use cars. Now, you guys wanna race, we girls wanna dress up. So why don't we do both?"

My family stared at me. They had no imagination at all!

"We'll have three teams, partner with partner. You guys can go rent cars in Port Angeles, we can't use ours. Each team will be disguised and so will the team's car. Just go and rent the cars, now. We'll find something for you" I said in a rush.

The boys grinned. Rose was deep in thought. Bella held Edward's hand as tight as she could.

"Move it, people!" I shrieked, causing the boys to snap into action. They were out of the house moments after.

I went upstairs to get my disguise. Rose found an old Wonder Woman costume in the attic.

"What are _you_ gonna wear, Bells?" I said, finding some heels that would look great with the costume.

"Oh, don't worry" Bella laughed "I have an old policeman costume in my closet"

"Will it fit?" I asked cautiously.

"Sure, it's not that old. The skirt will be a bit short, but that's OK" She said confidently.

I grabbed my keys.

"Well, let's go, then!" I said, excitement beginning to creep through me. Today would be great, I just knew it.

***

Bella was inside her bathroom trying on her costume when it happened. I began to see the guys renting cars in Port Angeles. I saw Jazz picking out a great red one, and Emmet getting a car so black it looked out of a movie.

But, what about Edward?

I quickly scanned the future. I saw him get inside a police car. The car had a scratch on the back. Could it be Charlie Swan's car?

I peeked out the window. Yes, I could see the scratch. Now all I had to do was convince Edward and Bella to use the car for the race.

Bella opened the door.

"Alice, you know what? I think this disguise is-"

"Perfect!" I said -or rather_ screamed _"It looks great on you"

"But look at the skirt!" My friend protested.

I was suddenly having a vision again.

Charlie would be giving a lecture and notice…

"Alice?" Bella asked "What did you see?"

An inspiring moment, Bells.

"Oh, nothing important…" I dismissed it with a wave of my hand "But, Bella, I want to tell you that you are being ridiculous! No one but _us _will see you in that"

Bella thought about it for a moment.

She nodded. I smiled.

Everything was going according to plan.

***

EMPOV

I was bothering Edward about being a "107-year-old virgin" when my phone started ringing.

_Damn._

Edward smiled.

"This is not over yet" I hissed.

"Wanna bet?" He said, cockily. The nerve of him!

I took my phone out of my leather pant's rear pocket.

"Whassup, psychic freak?" I said. Jazz hit me in the back of the head.

"Ouch! What is _wrong_ with you people?" I yelled at my brothers. Edward was laughing his ass off and Jazz was sending me waves of remorse from the backseat.

"Sorry, Alice" I said, like the good little boy I am "What did you want?"

"Emmet, listen to me. You will find a black Porsche, the blackest one in the lot. Jazz will find a red Mercedes. Tell Edward I have a car waiting for him right here, OK?"

"Sure, sweet thing" I said, using my best Texas drawl.

Edward almost had a fit. Jazz sighed.

"No, Jasper, castrating Emmet is _not_ allowed. Besides, Rose would kill you" Edward said.

_Thanks, bro. _

"Don't thank me yet, you asshole. If you keep on being such a bother, _I'll _cut your balls off"

Shit. This family is so weird.

"Emmet, do you know how to block your thoughts?" Alice whispered.

I know what you're thinking. Yes, vamps can whisper. She spoke so softly I could barely hear her. That meant no one else in the car could.

"Yes, ma'am" I said. No need to get _them_ suspicious. I started thinking about my wedding night. Edward shuddered, but he was used to it.

"Good. Now, listen to me. I need you and Rose to make Charlie's motor faster so Edward and Bella can use it for the race"

"What? Why?" I said, confused. My mind went blank and Edward glanced over. Jazz put his hand on my shoulder.

"What's wrong, Emmet?" He said. I shook my head. Thoughts about Rose returned.

Oh yeah, I know. I'm _good. _Seriously, though, I'm an underestimated genius.

"I had a vision, OK? But I can't tell you right now. Just trust me, you'll enjoy it"

"OK" I said firmly.

She hung up, and I concentrated on thinking about a rock concert I went to once.

This was going to be good.


	14. Chapter 14: Charlie's secret

Chapter 14: Charlie's secret

APOV

The boys arrived while we were doing our makeup.

Bella was complaining about it- no surprise _there._

Rose and I were ready by now. It was 12:00. After all, Carlisle and Esme went out for _lunch _and a movie, not _dinner _and a movie. Well, if they could eat…

"I'm home!" Emmet yelled, bursting through the front door. Jazz and Edward came in after him.

I left Rose putting some blush on Bella and I went downstairs.

"Hey! Emmet, get Rose and go do your thing" I said. He nodded, and Edward didn't even _flinch!_

Wow. I am _still_ impressed by that.

"Well, babe, you heard the boss. Come on down!" Emmet yelled. That boy…

Rosalie was only too happy to fly into his arms. I rolled my eyes.

"Go, I'll deal with Bella" I said.

They nodded, and then they were gone.

***

RPOV

I wiped my hands on my jeans.

"What do you think?" I said, letting Emmet take a look.

"Seems fine, babe" He said, shrugging. Emmet wasn't that good with cars.

"Well, then, we better get moving. I've got to get dressed _again_" We had been halfway to Chief Swan's house when I realized I was still wonder woman. Fortunately, Alice had seen that and put some clothes in the backseat of my BMW. Changing clothes in the woods is not a nice experience. Trust me_, I know._

I climbed into Charlie's car. It smelled, but in a good, manly way, you know?

And then I saw them. The whole freaking backseat of the car was covered in condoms and wrappers.

Oh, shit.

I squeezed my eyes shut.

Ew, ew, ew…

That was so gross! What did Charlie _do _in this car?

I shuddered.

I saw a piece of paper lying among the condoms. Would that explain all this?

Only one way to find out…

I stretched out my hand and took the paper by its edge. I shuddered and put it on my lap.

It had landed right side up, and what I saw made me gasp.

My eyes opened so wide I just _knew_ they would pop out.

_Oh my God._


	15. Chapter 15: Alice's Impatience

APOV

When I saw Rosalie, I almost had a fit.

What the fuck was she doing climbing up into the Newtons' backyard?

I whipped up my phone, ran out of earshot, and called her.

"Rosalie? Why the heck did I just see you climbing into the Newtons' house?" I said, furious. If she got caught, we were screwed!

"Oh, Alice! You can't even imagine what I just saw on Charlie's car…" Rose sounded like she was having trouble breathing. She told me _everything. _"And then, do you know what it said? It said: Evidence of Mr. Newton's affair with- get this- Mrs. Cope! Can you believe it? I've gotta get there and check the house out"

Oh, my… This was hysterical!

"Oh, God, Rose…" I laughed "But, wait! You can't go there, you'll get caught"

_Liar, liar, pants on fire. _A little voice whispered. _You know she would never get caught._

Shit. Hearing voices in your head is not a good sign. Unless you're Edward, that is. Then it's normal.

"Did you see me getting caught?" Rose doubted.

"Yeah. Sorry, girl. Just come home, OK?" I said.

Rose sighed.

"OK, I'll be there in a while" She said "I'm putting the- well, you know what. I'm putting them in a box. We'll put them back later"

"Ew, Rose. Are you _touching_ them?" I said in disbelief. My sister was the cleanest person ever!

"No, silly. I'm wearing gloves! Gotta go. Bye!"

I hung up and walked slowly back into the house.

"Alice?" Edward said "What was that about? And don't say it's nothing, 'cause you're not usually thinking about pink bunnies eating your husband"

Jasper stared at me in utter disbelief.

Emmet fell to the floor, dragging Bella down with him. They were both laughing and rolling around. Then, the humor of the situation seemed to kick Edward's ass, because he joined them after a second or two.

"What. The. Fuck." Jasper said slowly.

A wave of seriousness filled the room immediately.

Everyone stood up.

"Well, that was awkward. Now, start getting ready, everyone. Edward, here's your disguise" I said, throwing it at him. "Bella, get dressed. Now. Emmet, you're superman and your costume is upstairs. Now, move your butts out of here!" I said bossily.

Suddenly, only Jasper and I were in the room.

"Now, Jazz. Of course I don't want bunnies to eat you! I just didn't want Edward in my thoughts, OK? So let's get dressed" I said briskly, giving Jazz his Mickey Mouse ears and a peck on the cheek.

He nodded and we went upstairs.

***

EPOV

"Bella, love, it's OK. Really. Just come out of the bathroom" I said patiently.

"But my skirt-" She protested.

Alice barged in, put a key in the lock and opened the door. Then she came out carrying Bella in her arms.

"Here" She said, setting Bella down. "Now hurry up!"

She slammed the door and I turned to look at my blushing girlfriend.

Oh, God.


	16. Chapter 16: Tackled

EPOV

"Bella, um, isn't that skirt… Wow" I said.

Bella blushed harder (duh) and smiled.

"Glad you like it" She said shyly.

"Like it?" I said, wrapping my arms around her "I _love_ it"

Alice came running in and tackled me. We both landed on the floor.

"Um, what the f-" I looked at my girlfriend and stopped "heck. What the heck is going on here, Alice?"

She quickly got up and put her hands on her hips.

"You two need to get a room. And fast. But it can wait until after the race, OK? So get your asses down to the garage!" She shrieked, enraged.

Bella's eyes were wide.

Alice left the room as quickly as she'd come.

"Let's go" I said. I lifted Bella up into my arms and carried her into the garage at vampire speed.

The whole family was there. Well, OK, so only the irresponsible Cullens were here- Carlisle and Esme would never do this.

"Now, everyone, I know you're really excited," Alice looked like she would spontaneously combust. "But relax. We'll drive a few miles away from town and start there. I couldn't mark the track, but it is 3 miles long, OK? So drive for 3 miles and go back to the start. Easy as pie"

Emmet whooped.

"Um, Alice?" Bella said softly "Which car do _we_ drive?"

Alice pointed at Chief Swan-s police cruiser. What was that doing here?

"No way. Besides, that thing isn't fast enough" I said firmly.

"Rose made it fast. Climb in, OK? Charlie's fishing, you won't get caught"

Bella shook her head, but got into the passenger seat and buckled up.

The car stank a bit, but I figured this wouldn't last too long.

We all drove for 5 miles and stopped.

The race was on.


	17. Chapter 17: Guess who I am

JPOV

"Faster, Jazz, faster!" Alice shrieked, jumping up and down in her seat. I smiled at her and accelerated.

Then I sent a wave of calmness that flooded the car and almost made me stop and get out. But it had no effect on Alice.

"Oh, come on! Hurry, Edward's catching up!" True, so true, dear.

I reached the end of the three miles and gave a sharp turn that made Alice's seatbelt break.

We quickly switched places (as she had indicated before screaming at everyone to get their cars prepared).

I was just sitting down when the sudden increase in speed made me press down on my seat.

"Whooooooooo…" Alice and I yelled, and then we burst into hysterical laughter.

Suddenly, we stopped.

Oh, God. We're all gonna die.

EMPOV

"Oh, yeah! Faster, Rosie, faster" I yelled, watching Alice speed up at the turn. Rose nodded and gritted her teeth.

We switched and then we were flying…

Well, until Alice's car stopped so suddenly the sound they made was- ugh. Never mind.

"What the hell?" Rose said. I stopped the car when I saw Charlie Swan standing in the middle of the road. No wonder Alice had stopped.

"Quick, Rose, put on a mask!" I said. Rose nodded and handed me a mask too.

We stepped out of the car. Alice and Jazz both had masks on too. Edward and Bella were wearing huge sunglasses that covered almost their whole faces.

Chief Swan made a signal and we moved towards him and stood in a loose half circle.

His face was a delicious (and embarrassed) shade of red. So _that's_ where Bella got it from!

"I cannot believe this! Do you understand that going at such a speed is incredibly dangerous? Thank God…" And that's when I stopped listening.

About 15 minutes, two speeches and three rants later, something caught my attention.

"And you, young girl, should be ashamed of yourself" Charlie said, pointing an accusing finger at Bella. Ooh, this was gonna be good… "This skirt is so short you may as well not be wearing it at all! You are a disgrace to this town, miss. It is all the parents' fault! If they educated their children properly this sort of thing wouldn't happen!"

Bella looked down, blushing.

"Now, take off your sunglasses, girl" Charlie said.

Uh-oh.

Bella slowly took the shades away from her face….

And Charlie choked on something- his own saliva, maybe? Then his face slowly turned purple and a vein started to protrude.

"Isabella Marie Swan! Just what do you think you're doing, racing around like this? Off with the masks, everyone! Who'll I see next, the president?" Charlie roared.

We all immediately obeyed.

Charlie gaped. He started stuttering. And turned to Edward.

"You! This is all your fault! Ever since you got here Bella's been different- riding moitorcycles, jumping off cliffs- and now this? How dare you, young man? You're arrested, all of you" He said, slowly handcuffing each of us. "And I'm very disappointed in you, Alice. I never thought you'd let your siblings drag you into this" Charlie shook his head and climbed into the cruiser, the one Bella and Edward had used.

"Get in" He said softly. We all climbed in and drove all the way to hell.


	18. Chapter 18: Fury

EPOV

I smelled him before I saw him.

Jacob Black. The name weighted down on my tongue, and I felt a growl threatening to rip out.

_Ugh, who died in here?_ Emmet asked, grinning from one corner of the cell.

The past few hours had been torture. Charlie had just called Esme and Carlisle so they could come get us out. Jasper sent me a look.

_If you don´t stop feeling so much regret and self-hate, I'm gonna start banging my head against the walls. _He threatened. I nodded and smiled.

Billy Black came in first, a brown bag- probably containing Harry Clearwater's fried fish- on his hands. Charlie looked up from the paperwork he was filing and smiled.

Rose gagged from the other cell. Bella looked embarrassed- and who wouldn't? She was arrested _by her dad._

Alice was giggling in the corner.

"You had a vision about this?" I whispered, standing up. "Alice!"

She shrugged.

"Well, I wasn't supposed to end up in here too. I was gonna bail you out. But you have to admit, it was hysterical" Emmet nodded. He had enjoyed Charlie's lecture thoroughly.

"Wow, look what the tide brought in. Five bloodsuckers locked inside the town jail, _in costumes_. I soo need to get a picture of this" Jacob said, taking his cell phone out of his pants' pocket.

"You wouldn't _dare_" Rosalie hissed, grabbing Jacob's shirt.

He smiled.

_Ooh, he's in trouble now! _Emmet thought happily.

_Poor mutt, he doesn't know what he just got into. _Jazz shook his head, smiling.

"Actually, you look really hot as Wonder Woman, leech. I think the boys at the rez might enjoy a picture of you in the bathroom" He had crossed the line, and we all knew it.

"You. Are. So. Dead!" Rose flung her arm back so she could punch him in the face.

_If she hits him, will his face fall off, be scarred forever or fly through the walls? _I wondered idly.

Alice grabbed her arm and shook her head.

_It would have flown through the walls. _She thought, anticipating my question. I smiled.

Rosalie was still fuming.

"You stupid mongrel! Don't you know that some of the things I can do to you are far worse than death?" She spewed. I expected foam to start coming out of her mouth any moment now.

Jacob calmly snapped a picture of her. Then he stepped back and took another one.

"Looks good to me" He said, moving towards our cell. "But what do you think, Big guy?"

Emmet took a look at the pictures, grinned, and looked at Rose.

"You're pretty, Rosie" He said, acting like a five-year-old. Rosalie's expression softened and she smiled, her eyes warm. "I'd like a copy of those. Think you could send them to me?"

Emmet took out his phone hopefully.

_I cannot believe he is bargaining with a dog. _Jasper thought, his eyes wide.

"Sure, dude" Jacob said, good-naturedly. I was surprised by the camaraderie between them.

Emmet got his picture and grinned- again.

"Thanks, man"

"No sweat" Jacob shrugged and smiled.

"Hey, ya think you could not paste them in the bathroom? I mean, have a heart, kid. I'm already in enough trouble as it is. Besides, we're gonna have to go behind you and rip the pics off and old perv's fingers. Ugh" Emmet shuddered.

Jacob grinned widely.

"I forgot, you have to live with the psychopath blonde. I'm willing to make a deal, though" He said, as if he had a choice. I snorted. "I get to give the pics to five people"

"Fine, but _I_ get to choose them" Rose said, her face almost pressed against the bars.

"Deal" Jacob said. "And as for you, Bella, you look smokin' in that skirt"

Bella blushed.

"Say that again, and Rose will get some help when she rips your throat out tonight" I said calmly.

Jake shrugged.

"I'm used to death threats by now" _Bring it on, _he thought. I smiled.

"I sure will"

***

EsPOV

"My poor babies, locked up in jail. They must be so embarrassed!" I said, looking at Carlisle.

He was livid.

"They got themselves arrested! I _cannot_ believe this. Well, actually, I can!"The car screeched to a stop in front of the town jail.

Carlisle got out and slammed the door, and then he ran his hands through his hair.

"It's alright, Carlisle. We'll talk about it once we're home, OK?" I said, smoothing his hair back down and giving him a quick kiss. He took a deep breath and nodded.

We knocked and went inside Charlie Swan's office. It was a complete mess. A man in a wheelchair was inside, laughing at some joke we- surprisingly- hadn't heard.

"Hello" I said, smiling warmly at the two men.

"Hello, Charlie. Billy" My husband said, nodding politely.

Charlie smiled right back- who knew he could be so pleasant?

"Well, hello. I assume you are here to bail your kids out. Or do you wanna leave them here? We'd take good care of them" He promised.

I laughed lightly, and Carlisle followed my lead.

"Thanks for the offer, but we have our own punishments. If I ever need your help, though, you'll be the first to know, Chief" Charlie nodded.

"Well, now, let's see. They were driving too fast and disturbing the general peace. That's $150 because of speeding, times three…" Charlie started to do the math. "And we have a grand total of $500 ($50 for disturbing the peace)"

Carlisle took his wallet out of his pocket and paid Charlie.

He stood up and grabbed a ring of keys. Then he opened the girls' cell and they came rushing out. He unlocked the boys' cell and I saw him glaring at Edward.

"Let's go" I said, and everyone was glad to obey, for once. We all got our keys, got inside our cars and drove away.

It was all great until we all got inside the house and sat down in the dining room.


	19. Chapter 19: Temporary end

BPOV

I cannot believe my boyfriend's parents just bailed me out of jail. How messed up is _that_?

Carlisle stood up, his hands clenched in fury. I could see that the calm way he had behaved at the office had been just a display of his amazing acting abilities.

"This is absolutely impossible! First, you go to a bar without my permission and get Bella incredibly drunk! Then, I find all of you-and the baseball clearing- absolutely covered in paint. Afterwards, when I was talking to one of my colleagues, I find out that Eric Yorkie is scarred for life because _you_…" He said, glaring at Edward. "…tried to choke him to death after he was asking Bella what the homework was. And now I am called from a date with my wife to find out that you are in jail! _Again! _You are not children anymore. Heck, you're old enough to be great-grandparents! And yet, each year you seem to lose maturity instead of gaining it"

"Which is why" Esme interrupted. "Carlisle and I have decided on a suitable punishment for all of you"

Alice closed her eyes and shook her head furiously. Edward stood up, about to protest.

"You will go to an asylum and help people that have- for some reason or other- lost their minds. It will not be pleasant. You will do it for two weeks. Afterwards, you will spend the other two weeks of your vacations at a retirement home, to learn how people your age behave" Carlisle sat back down.

"There are no exceptions. Only Bella is not obliged to do this, because I am sure her father will punish her in his own way" Esme said, smiling at me.

Chaos erupted. Rose was screaming at Alice that this was all her fault, and Emmet was restraining his wife. Jasper was unable to help because he was too busy smashing his head against the wall, as he had threatened to do earlier today. Carlisle and Esme were staring at Edward, whom was on the floor, rolling with laughter.

Oh, yeah, being a Cullen rocks.


	20. Chapter 20: Kimmy's secret

APOV

We're going to an insane asylum. Not that I mind. Much. Jazz is holding my hand, because, though I can lie to myself, I can't lie to him.

He parks pretty close to the door and in a few moments we're in, my heels clicking along on the tile floor. Rose and Emmet join us next, then Edward and Bella.

"Hello, ma'am. We'd like to volunteer here for two weeks" Edward says, getting straight to the point with a polite smile on his face. The fat lady at the desk nods and gives us name tags.

"Just write your names in" She says, sounding really bored. We take the pen she offers us and take turns filling in the blanks.

_Mary Alice Cullen. _I write carefully. I don't know why I've decided to use my full name, but it seems like the right thing to do.

We put the name tags on and the woman rises, motioning for us to follow her down a poorly lit hallway.

"You will be taking care of our calmest patients. If anyone knows how to cook, they'll be welcome in the kitchen"

"I do!" Bella said. Charlie had decided Carlisle's idea was great, and now she was stuck with us.

"Great. You start now, lunch's in an hour" The lady said, pointing at a white door. Bella squeezed Edward's hand and walked in with a huge grin on her face. Guess she likes cooking.

Gretta- or so the fat woman told us she was called- led us through a door into a hallway. There were many doors, each one of them with a number on it.

"You look like a nice girl" She told me. "You'll be taking care of Kimmy. She's six years old and she thinks she has superpowers, but what she really has is a super-temper. Her parents couldn't afford the therapy costs, so she's been stuck with us since she was five" Gretta unlocked a door with the number 4 on it and handed me a key. I smiled at Jasper and walked in.

A little girl sat on the bed, staring blankly at the wall. She had sweet little curls that made her look like a porcelain doll. Her big blue eyes met mine and she smiled.

"Hi. I'm Kim, what's your name?" She said.

"Hello, Kimmy. I'm Alice, and I'll be visiting you for a while. What do you want to do?" I asked her, my eyes prickling. If I could cry, my eyes would be full right now. This is what I must have been like.

"You mean I get to choose? Great! I'd like to play with dolls. My mommy and I used to. But she doesn't visit anymore, and I'm not allowed to have toys in my room"

_What kind of mother would leave her little girl alone in this place? _I thought. Then the answer hit me like a brick wall. _Mine did. My mom did this to me too._

I forced a smile for Kimmy's benefit.

"You know what? I'd love to play with you. Just wait for me a minute and I'll come back with lots of stuff, OK?" She nodded and I turned around. Locking the door, I looked around the corridor. It was empty. I ran at vampire speed to the nearest Wal-Mart. Knowing Carlisle would approve, I bought four _Barbies_ and lots of different clothes for them. I quickly paid and five minutes later I was in front of Kimmy's room again, and I hadn't even used the car.

I swear, her grin lit up the room.

"You brought them! And they're new!" She cried, standing up and rushing to take the bag off my hands. Sitting down on the cold floor, she slowly emptied the bag and spread its contents on the floor. I grabbed some scissors and helped her take the _Barbies_ out of their boxes. She looked at them almost reverently.

"They're so beautiful" She whispered, stroking a brunette's hair.

"They're yours, darling. You can keep them. Even after the summer ends, you'll still be able to play with them" I promised.

"Really? They're mine?" Her eyes were wide as saucers. I nodded earnestly. "Thank you so much, Ally! You don't mind if I call you that, do you?" I shook my head and Kimmy wrapped her arms around me. I hugged her back, careful not to hurt her.

"No one has ever been so nice to me, you know? Sometimes strangers came to visit me, but they never stayed very long. You're the nicest one" She was struggling to put some jeans on the _Barbie_. I took it from her and then gave it back, with the doll fully dressed. She went on talking.

"There was one stranger I didn't like. He was really mean, and he hurt me" I looked up from the doll I was dressing and took Kimmy's hand.

"What did he do to you, honey?" I asked, staring into her eyes. She looked away.

"He touched me. And then he took pictures. He came back every day, until he left three weeks after, saying he was tired of me now" I gasped and wiped her tears away.

Suddenly, I realized the security in this place was terrible. Gretta hadn't even asked for our IDs, she just gave us name tags and let us in. And what if it hadn't been a rapist? What if the next time it was a murderer, or a psycho, or…

I stood up, startling Kimmy.

"Where are you going, Ally?" She asked as I walked towards the door. "Don't leave me!"

"I'll be back soon, dear. I'm just gonna go talk to Gretta for a second, OK?" She nodded and grabbed the doll I had been dressing, arranging her hair in an untidy bun. I quickly locked the door and strode towards the desk, fury coursing through me. If I were a human, my blood would have been boiling.

Gretta was on the computer, playing a game of solitaire. She quickly closed it when I entered, flushing guiltily.

"What do you want, child? I'm busy"

"Busy how? You don't have anything to do; you didn't even ask to see our IDs! Do you have any idea what that little girl has been through?" She shook her head, intimidated. "Well, I'll tell you. She was raped, raped by a man you let in! And since you probably don't keep any records of who visits who, there's no way the police will ever find him. What do you say to that, Gretta?"

She stuttered and I went on.

"He visited her every day for three weeks. Three weeks! Can you imagine what that was like for her? And he took pictures, the bastard! You should be sued by that little girl's parents. What if the next time, it's an axe murderer, or a psycho, or a drug addict? Huh? What will you do _then_, Gretta?"

Jasper appeared out of thin air and laid a hand on my shoulder. The woman was shaking. Edward was dialing Carlisle.

"It's alright, love. It's fine" Jazz murmured, pulling me into and embrace. I sobbed dryly; the tears wouldn't come when I needed them the most.

My husband kissed me, and I knew he would make everything OK.


	21. Chapter 21: It's all in a name

APOV

"Carlisle, please, just this once" I pleaded. My father shook his head.

"Alice, I already told you, we can't adopt that little girl. I've seen her during one of her fits, and she gets really violent. What kind of menace would she be if she became a vampire? We don't know if the venom can cure a psychological condition" Jasper wrapped his arms around me.

"We'll go visit her, dear. I promise. We'll go every day if you want to" He promised, kissing me softly on the lips. I nodded.

"Right now what we need to worry about is that guy. Will Kim be able to identify him? I think they've got three suspects by now" I looked into the future and saw Kimmy pointing at a seriously ugly guy and Edward nodding.

"She will" I said confidently. Kimmy reminded me so much of Cynthia. I had found some pictures of her on the internet- apparently she married some guy who became the major or something.

Suddenly, I bolted upstairs and grabbed my pink laptop. When it logged on, I quickly typed _Cynthia Brandon_ on Google's search engine.

I got 2,890,000 results.

"Here goes" I whispered, opening the first page. This was gonna be a long read.

***

My sister's daughter is alive. In Biloxi. And she has three daughters- Alice, Jenna and Kimberly Marie Shalonne.

Apparently, my niece married some guy from Forks. When his daughter's tantrums started, he suggested the asylum where his grandma had been placed in. Kimberly is supposed to be dead. I showed Jasper my research and he gasped.

"So that makes Kimmy my… grand-niece?" Jazz shrugged. "Carlisle is sooo gonna freak out!"

"Let's go visit her, love" My husband said, as reasonable as always. I nodded and we left for the asylum.

***

"Kimmy, this is serious, OK? For the last time, what is your name?" I said, trying to be patient.

"I'm Kimberly. Kim Grosvenor, Ally" My shoulders dropped and I put my face in my hands. What were the odds that, of so many people, there were two little girls named Kimmy in the same asylum and one of them was my niece?

Jazz squeezed my hand and plastered a smile on his face.

"Well, Kim, we gotta go now" Kimmy's eyes started to fill with tears. "But we'll be back to visit you every weekend, alright? I promise"

She nodded and held the tears back. I smiled weakly at her and my husband and I left the asylum.

I was going to see my family, my real family.


	22. Chapter 22: Fuck!

EPOV

I am a misunderstood genius. Seriously. I mean, who else could have had such a great idea?

Alice is too busy with her little friend Kimmy to care about my future, but this is gonna be freaking awesome!

I grab a bottle of Vodka and slip into the kitchen of the old people's home unnoticed. Once there, I see a freakishly big thermos where they keep the water.

_Awesome!_

I tear the lid open and pour the bottle inside. You can't even tell the difference, and the water will dilute the flavor and the effect, but I guess the old guys'll probably need lots of water.

This is so cool.

I slip out of the kitchen- this is way too easy- and join my family again. Rose looks at me questioningly, but she can't ask any questions in front of all the old people flirting with her.

"Oh, Jake, do you always drool so much?" She asks, wiping his face. One of the older men turns around and grins.

"_Someone_ is thinking about you naked, girl" He says, winking at my wife. She just smiles sweetly and keeps her cool. I wish _I_ could. I'm insanely jealous.

Sighing, I walk over to a lady that looks halfway civilized.

"Hello, ma'am" Well, no one can say my momma didn't teach me any manners, now, can they? "My name is Emmett Cullen, at your service"

"Well, hey there, handsome" OK, so the woman is obviously not as sane as I thought "Took you long enough to get here. Where are we going?"

Ok, Emmet, think of something fast…

"Well, hon, I was planning on hitting the disco later. How about that?" I drag a chair over and sit in front of her.

"Yehaw! This is great, Dimitri! After all, you're only 23 once in your life" I nod, smiling.

3 hours later, I am planning my funeral. The woman babbles on and on, seemingly unstoppable. Suddenly, I get an idea.

"Hey, Holly, I'm thirsty. Why don't we go get some water?" She grins and nods. I lift her up from her wheelchair and set her in my shoulders. She laughs.

"Giddy up, cowboy! Ahoy, me mate, here we come! To infinity, and beyond!" Everyone stares at us as I run into the kitchen, but no one dares to stop me. I grab a glass of 'water,' fill it, and run back into the main room in a few minutes.

Holly takes the drink I offer her and sips. Slowly, a smile tugs the corners of her lips up.

"More" She whispers, and I realize she's finished it in what has to be record time. "Get me more"

I am back a few seconds after with a tray containing 13 glasses full to the brim. Holly reaches out and I place one in her hand. She puts it to her lips and gives it back. The cycle goes on for hours until Holly is giggling wildly and I have no more glasses to offer her.

"Sailor booy" She sings, her words slurring together. Edward is at my side in seconds, he can afford to abandon the chess game he's losing against a wrinkled old dude for a second.

"What did you do to her?!" He hisses. That boy is no fun!

"Nothing, you big ole party pooper!" I give him my most innocent look and he shakes his head.

"She is drunk, Emmet! Carlisle will kill you"

"Aww, come on! Since when do I care?" My boring brother shakes his head and goes back to his old dude. He's probably not cooler than Holly, though. She rocks!

Rose brings her old chum a glass too and grins at me.

"Here you go, Johnny. I think you'll like this" Johnny takes it and it's the same story all over again.

Not too long after, Alice and Jasper catch on- it's really hard not to when an old woman throws a glass at you. Grinning, they get their old people drunk too.

By now, the asylum is a mess. An old dude named Kirk Starts acting like a chicken, and by now all four of us are having hysterics. Edward is still calmly playing chess.

"Where's my fuck? I need to fuck!" Lucy- Alice's charge- yells, and I collapse into a heap of laughter. So does everyone else. Even Eddie's grinning!

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!" The oldies start chanting loudly. One of them makes slurping noises.

"OhmyGod" Rose gasps, giggling. "Oh my freaking God, Emmet, what have we _done_?"

"We've created a monster!" Jazz shouts dramatically, clutching at his heart.

"The world will be mine! World domination!" Edward's lady appears to have gotten drunk just by looking at her friends, and she staggers to join them. He doesn't stop her.

"Fuck, fuck, fuuuuck!" The chant is getting louder and louder, none of us can stop it…

A bunch of staff members open the door and burst in, attracted by the noise. They stop dead in their tracks, all of them shocked by the sight before them.

"Fuck, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuuuuck!" The old- I mean, elderly- people never stop.

Everyone- Bella included, she was cooking the whole time- turns around and glares. Slowly, a woman takes out her phone and dials Carlisle's number.

I groan.

"Great! We're in trouble _again_!"


	23. Chapter 23: Detention?

EPOV

"Detention? But Carlisle, we're in the middle of the summer!" I protested, holding Bella against me.

"Well, I spoke to Mrs. Cope-" We all laughed "-and she doesn't mind babysitting for a few weeks"

"I should think not" Emmet said, laughing. Carlisle shook his head, puzzled.

"Anyway, I got the school to lend us some desks and books. Esme is redecorating my study to look like an average class room. You will spend two weeks in there. Mrs. Cope will only be there during school hours but you will not leave the classroom at all"

A collective groan escaped.

"Bella, you are not included in this punishment, and since it starts now…"

Bella stood up, gave a sad little wave and left.

I started to protest but decided against it.

"Your time begins… Now!" Carlisle put on this timer and led us into the study. Mrs. Cope was already there, sitting on the desk while filing her nails.

Rosalie growled.

_That slut! How can she? She tried to take all my Emmett's innocence away. My poor, poor baby…_

I snorted.

"Emmett innocent? Yeah, right. As if he ever was" I said. Emmett punched me in the arm.

"Hey! Don't listen to him, Rosie. You know your husband is a very good boy"

"Of course you are. Not" Alice said, sitting down primly. Jazz snickered.

I checked my watch, five minutes had gone by.

"Great, I have to spend two more weeks locked in a room with 5 psychos. Actually, make that 5 psychos and a slut. Oh, yeah. My insane family rocks"


	24. Chapter 24: Day 1

Day 1

EPOV

Mrs. Cope was staring at Emmet so intently, a bit of drool was pooling in one of the corners of her mouth.

Rose was getting defensive. Her thoughts were all over the place. She leaned forward and kissed her husband passionately.

"PDA´s aren´t allowed here Mrs. Hale!" Mrs. Cope said, turning a shade of red that only make her look uglier.

"Well, _maybe_ if you stopped looking at my boyfriend like that I wouldn´t have to kiss the crap out of him"

Mrs. Cope gasped-she had not realized she was _that _obvious. Not bothering with a retort, she took her phone out and started at it sulkily. Jazz followed suit.

_What´s her phone number Ed?_ He thought, willing me to answer.

"605-010-002" I whispered, to low for the perverted 60-year -old to hear.

"Whatcha doin?" Emmet asked taking his phone out too.

"I´ll send all of you a copy" Jasper promised, making me stare at my phone and wait.

Everyone was blocking me, and they weren´t too subtle about it. Alice was thinking about blue squirrels and wondering how to save Jazz from them while he thought of what he´d do to his wife a soon as this was over. Rose was thinking of her new Victoria´s Secret lingerie and Emmet imagined her wearing it.

I shuddered.

What Mrs. Cope was thinking was illegal in five different counties and wrong in so many ways it made me nauseous.

Jasper was typing on his phone at an impossibly fast speed. I started writing a message to Bella:

_Lov,_

_I miss u. How r u?_

_I'm ok, but Mrs. Cope is about 2 leave me scarred for life_

_Be safe, Edward ._

I pressed send and kicked Jasper under the desk.

"Done?" I mouthed.

Jazz grinned and nodded. He pointed toward Mrs. Cope.

"Look" he whispered.

All of us where staring at the poor woman. Her phone started ringing. After a while, Mrs. Cope turned purple.

"Put your phones in silence so I can show you what I sent her" Jazz ordered. We all did and Jasper immediately sent us a message.

_Dear Mrs. Cope_

_I am _really_ looking forward to seeing you tonight. I hope you will enjoy the _activities_ I have planned for us to enjoy. I advise you to wear some comfortable clothe, because there will be a lot of _action_ in my apartment._

_I cannot wait to see you,_

_Your secret admirer ._

_George is so sweet_, Mrs. Cope thought, licking her lips. Then she began to write.

"Jasper you are _genius_!" Alice cried, trying to suppress her laughter. The rest of us weren't much better, though. We were all hysterical.

"Shh. Be quiet and I'll tell you what she's writing back" I said.

The room was instantly silent except from the sound of Mrs. Copes fingers typing furiously.

"_Dear George_- that's her lover, you guys. She's got him, Mr. Newton and her husband" I whispered.

"What a slut!" Rose hissed.

"Eww" Jazz said.

"Whatever, Eddie. Just go on, will you?" Emmet asked. I nodded and began to read again.

"_Dear George,_

_I can´t wait to see what you've planned for tonight. Of course, my clothes will be comfortable, but I hope you'll be taking them off as soon as you can. I miss seeing your- well, you know what._

_Love,_

_Cynthia."_

"WTF?" Emmet yelled, forgetting that we weren't alone. "She's a slut! Heck, she's practically a prostitute!"

Mrs. Cope looked up.

"Mr. Cullen, if you're going to trash-talk your girlfriend like that, you _must_ do it in hushed tones so that I will not be able to hear you or you _will_ be punished. Do you understand me?" She asked.

Rose stood.

"You fucking bitch! How dare you?" Before she could murder anyone, I grabbed Rose's arms and pinned them behind her back with Emmet's help.

"Jasper" I groaned, struggling against my sister. He nodded and she immediately calmed down.

"Rosalie, he's your husband, not hers. Besides, you're almost a century old! Isn't it a bit childish to fight over a guy that's loved you for 70 years with a 60-year-old woman?" I asked, trying to reason with her.

"You´re right" She sighed. "I´m being silly, of course. You can let go of me now, I´m OK"

I released my death grip on Rose and she relaxed.

"Apologize, Rosalie" I whispered, taking advantage of the fact that Jazz was sending calm at us.

"Sorry Mrs. Cope. I shouldn´t have insulted you like that" She said, looking impossibly regretful and way too innocent.

"It´s alright, child, don´t worry about it"

_Child? Oh, God, please don´t let me kill her, we´ll have to move again!_ Rose forced a smile and went back to her seat. So did I.

I checked my watch. Half an hour had gone by and Bella still hadn't answered. Smiling I typed.

_Bella,_

_It's only __12:30 and we've already had an almost- fight. Yup, the drama´s just begun._

_Lov,_

_Ed._

Later, I realized I had been absolutely right.


	25. Chapter 25: Night 1

**OK, IF U CHECKED MY PROFILE, U KNOW WHAT 2 DO. IN CASE U DIDN'T IT'S HERE:**

**PLZ REVIEW. IWANNA KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE READ THIS. IF U AND UR FRIENDS DO JUST WRITE HOW MANY PEOPLE U KNOW LIKE THIS STUFF. THE CURIOSITY IS KILLING ME. I WANNA KNOW, PLZZ??? PRETTY PLZ???? BESIDES, REVIEWS KEEP THE 13-YEAR-OLD AUTHOR HAPPY. LOL. SERIOUSLY, THOUGH, REVIEW AND WRITE HOW MANY PEOPLE U KNOW READ THIS. IF YOU'VE NEVER REVIEWED, DO IT NOW! **

* * *

EPOV

"Why hasn't Bella answered me yet?" I mused from my corner of the room. "It's 6:55, she should be home making dinner for her dad"

Alice stopped trying to take her shirt off without separating her mouth from Jasper's and rolled her eyes.

_You're being a baby, Edward. She's perfectly fine! _

Well, maybe Bella was alright, but I wasn't. I mean, it was horrible! I was stuck in a corner of my father's study/classroom, Alice and Jazz were in another corner sticking their tongues down each other's throats and Emmett and Rose were in the middle of the room surrounded by desks so we wouldn't see them taking their clothes off!

If Bella had been with me, we could've talked or something, but I was all alone.

_Edward, this is truly pathetic. Self-pity is rolling off you in waves. Turn it down, would you? I'm trying to enjoy my wife, here! _Jazz mentally yelled at me.

I groaned, disgusted. By now, Alice had managed to take her clothes off and was in an extremely compromising position, and Rose wasn't much better. I will never be able to look at my sisters again.

I stared at the wall and sighed.

Bored out of my mind, my fingers ached for my piano. I imagined them flying over the keys, composing a new melody- maybe another lullaby for Bella?

Suddenly, my phone started ringing.

"Turn that off, Edward!" Emmett growled. "I'm _trying_ to have sex in here! Could you be a little more considerate? Jeez…"

I growled back and began to read my message.

_Edward,_

_I'm so sorry 4 not answering ur text sooner. I left my phone in the car and just remembered. Call me at 7, ok? I miss u 2…_

_xoox_

_Bells_

I looked at my watch; it was already 7:30.

_Bella, it's not 7 now, check your watch. =)_

I pressed send and put my phone in silence to stop Emmet's complaints and Jasper's threats. About 3 minutes later, I got a reply.

_LOL, sorry. Call me anyway!_

I dialed Bella's number and waited until she picked up on the fourth ring.

"Hello?" Such a small word coming from her lips brought back so many memories- not always good ones, but still…

"Hi" I said, suddenly shy. I couldn't believe such a perfect girl had chosen me. She had brains, beauty, and a huge heart. Of course, one might argue that I have brains and beauty too, but it's all fake, a side-effect to becoming a vampire.

"Hey! What's going on over there?" In the background, I could hear the TV and the sloshing of water.

As I told Bella all that we'd said and done to Mrs. Cope, I felt all the worry I'd been feeling about her fade away. I knew she was safe, and I finally relaxed.

"I cannot believe she said that! To Rose! OMG, if Jazz hadn't been there…"

"Yeah, well, I think everyone here is aware of Jasper's presence right now" I replied.

"What do you mean?" Bella inquired. I imagined her brows creasing like they always did when she was curious about something and chuckled.

"Well, he and Alice are…"

"Oh"

"Yeah. So are Rose and Emmett, but Jazz is the real problem. This room is so full of lust you cut slice the air with a knife…" I said, laughing.

"My husband is _not_ the problem here!" Alice screeched. Bella giggled.

"You should tell Alice to shut up" She said.

"I heard that!" Ally yelled again. "Not fair, Bella!"

"Vampire hearing, love, remember? Anyone here can listen in" I said.

"We _are_ listening in" Rose cried.

"Yeah, it's not like we can help it" Jazz said,

"You're so sappy, I'm gonna be sick, Ed" Typical of Emmett…

At least Alice was quiet.

Ignoring my family's rude comments and remarks, Bella and I talked all night.

_Maybe detention isn't so bad after all… _I thought.

Boy was I wrong.


	26. Chapter 26: Day 2

Day 2

EPOV

I was bored. _Really_ bored.

"It's already 7, guys. The weirdo should be here soon" I yelled. My siblings stopped what they were doing- thank God!- and started to get ready.

Alice and Rose walked to the suitcases in the back of the study and grabbed a change of clothes. Then, they took turns changing in the bathroom.

Emmett, Jazz and I had it much easier. We just peeled off our shirts and changed them for clean ones.

A few minutes after, Mrs. Cope walked in. She was wearing a really tight skirt and heels way too high for her age. She stumbled and fell as if to prove my point.

_Aw, shit. _She thought. _Way to make an entrance, stupid._

Jazz stood up and went over to help her since his set was the closest.

"Are you OK, ma'am?" He asked, concern clouding his features.

_Yep. A great entrance._ Mrs. Cope smiled and took the hand my brother offered her. She pulled herself up and dusted herself down- I bet you all thought she would break a leg or something. But _no_, we just _couldn't_ be so lucky.

"Thank you, Jasper. I'd be even better, though, if you would…" Laying her hand on Jazz's chest, Mrs. Cope whispered obscenities in his ear. Alice was furious.

_How dare she talk to my baby like that? She is nothing, nothing! _My little sister stood up and pulled Mrs. Cope away from her husband.

"If you have any sense of self preservation you will never, _ever_, do that again. If you do, I will have the immense pleasure of suing you for sexual harassment towards my boyfriend _and _ripping your head off afterwards. Is that clear?" Alice asked sweetly with a huge smile on her face that only made her seem more threatening.

Mrs. Cope nodded and walked slowly over to her desk while Emmett, Rose and I shook with silent laughter.

The room was silent for about five minutes. Then, Emmett decided to send Jasper and I a text.

_I can see Mrs. C's thong from here. It's black with lots of lace. LOL .I'm scarred for eternity, guys._

I stared at my phone, unable to believe what I was reading.

_OMG. That is so wrong, Emmett. So, so wrong. _I typed.

_Dude, r u serious? Gross! Take a pic and paste it in the teachers' room as soon as we're back 2 skool._ Jazz sent his message to Emmett and I groaned. Not again!

_LOL. OK, I took it. And stop being such a prude, Ed! Wanna see???? _Emmett replied.

_Nooo!!! _I wrote.

_Yess!!! Send it! _Jazz was grinning like a maniac.

"No, you're not gonna do what I think you're gonna do, Jazz. _You-_" Alice whispered, pointing at Em and me. "-Can take the picture and paste it, but _my husband_ will _not_ look at it. _Ever_"

Emmett shrugged. _Fine, I'll do something else… Edward, you better get out of my head! Now!_

I sighed. I still had 334 hours of torture to go.

20 minutes and eleven seconds after, Carlisle and Esme came back from wherever they had been all morning.

_The concert's gonna be great! Oh, dear, I hope Edward didn't hear that. I'm terrible at blocking him. _Esme thought. _I'm sure he didn't catch that. _

But I had. After that, it was amazingly easy to pick the details from my mom's mind. Apparently, a famous orchestra was playing in Seattle tonight and Carlisle had invited her- which would leave us alone all night. Of course, they didn't want us to know that…

_Bella, _

_Come visit me at 8. I'll leave the window open so we can talk._

_Ed._

This was gonna be so good…


	27. Chapter 27: Night 2

BPOV

I stood on the ground outside Carlisle's study looking like a complete idiot. It was exactly 7:00.

"Bella!" Alice shrieked from the open window. "I missed you!"

I laughed. Emmett jumped down and landed beside me. Then, he threw me over his shoulder, caveman-style.

"Up we go" He said. I held on as much as I could and suddenly we were in the study. Emmett dumped me on the floor. "Special delivery for Ed!"

"Um, OK… That was weird" I said, standing up.

"Bella, the whole family is weird. What did you expect? Normalcy? Not here" Edward joked, giving me a hug. "Besides, this is Emmett we're talking about"

"At least I don't hear voices in my head…" Emmett began.

"… that 'tell me to do bad things to Bella'" Jazz finished. Edward growled. **(Family Therapy reference)**

I laughed and kissed my boyfriend.

"I'd love it if you decided to do bad things to Bella, you know?" I whispered in his ear.

Rose whooped.

"You go girl!" She yelled. "Show him who's the boss!"

Edward shook his head and acted horrorized.

"You're- you're turning into one of _them_" He said, his eyes wide as saucers. Biting my lip, I played along.

"No, Edward. I already am" I hissed, lunging for his throat. The rest of the Cullens laughed and sat down to watch the show.

"But, Bella, I thought I meant something to you!" Edward cried, looking heartbroken.

"You did" I said slowly. "But the dark side offered me cookies"

Our crowd cracked up, but we knew this was not over.

"Oh. Well, I guess it was a pretty good deal then" He said. "But I'll make you a better one: we have _spinach_"

"What kind of deal is that?" I asked, disgusted. "Spinach is gross. Everyone hates it. Unless…"

"Bella, I am your father" He said.

"Noooooo!" I cried, dropping to my knees.

"Yes, I am"

"Does this mean that what happened last night…" I trailed off.

"That was wrong Bella"

"And yet, so right" I said quietly, taking a small step towards Edward. He jumped.

"It's fun to stay at the YMCA!" He yelled, forming the shapes of the letters with his arms.

"It's fun to stay at the YMCA!" I shouted back, copying him.

"You have everything that you need to enjoy" Edward was shaking his head like a rock star and playing an invisible guitar.

"You can hang out with all the boys" I sang into a hairbrush Rose gave me.

"But not sleep with them, Bella" Edward said, suddenly serious. "That would be wrong. Those boys are evil"

I fell to the floor laughing.

"Sure thing, Dad" I choked out. Edward picked me up, sat down and placed me on his lap. Everyone was laughing and I couldn't stop giggling.

"I only have one question" Jasper said. "Are you on drugs?"

We all cracked up again.

"Touch of her skin feeling silky smooth, color of cafe au lait alright  
Made the savage beast inside roar until he cried,  
More-more-more!" Alice sang out of the blue.

"Now he's back home doin' 9 to 5" Rose replied.

"Sleepin' the grey flannel life.  
But when he turns off to sleep memories creep,  
More-more-more" I sang too. What can I say, I love Lady Marmalade.

The guys stared at us. Emmett blinked.

"Voulez vous coucher avec moi, ce soir?" We all sang. The boys knew french, and their eyes widened.

"Definitely" Emmett purred.

"Uh-uh" Jazz said, staring at Alice.

Edward didn't have a hot and sexy reply for me. No, he just looked down at his hands and the very evident lump in his pants.

"Hey, lil' Eddie's waving the flag of surrender, Bella! Say hi!" Emmett yelled, making me blush.

This was gonna be a _long _night…


	28. Chapter 28: T'was the night

**OK, I'M UPLOADING FOR THE SECOND TIME THIS WEEK. HOW COOL IS THAT? My friends and I decided to end TRUTH OR DARE WITH… Truth or dare! YAY!! SO, HERE'S THE DEAL: WE WANT- NO, _NEED_- A THOUSAND REVIEWS. YOU CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN!! I SWEAR I'LL DRAW IT OUT AS MUCH AS I CAN, WHICH MEANS PROBABLY 3 OR 4 MORE CHAPTERS. BUT IF YOU MAKE ME REACH A THOUSAND…**

**I'M ACTUALLY WORKING ON AN ALICE/JASPER FANFIC RIGHT NOW, SO I REALLY WANT TO GET THOSE THOUSAND REVIEWS, WRAP THIS UP AND START ON THE NEW ONE. IT'S GONNA BE REALLY CUTE AND FUNNY, BUT JUST DIFFERENT THAN THIS ONE. WOULD YOU READ IT? PLZ?? I'LL POST CHAPTER 1 AT THE END OF THIS AND YOU GUYS BETTER REVIEW, OR I'LL QUIT TRUTH OR DARE ALTOGETHER.**

**YEP, THAT'S RIGHT, I JUST SAID THAT. SO, RANT'S OVER. R/R!!!!!**

**BTW, U SHOULD CHECK MY PROFILE, GUYS...**

**=)**

EPOV

"I'm bored" Alice whined. Funny how every bad thing that happens to us always starts like this, isn't it?

I missed my girlfriend so much, even though we talked every night. Right now, she was at a party at the beach that Jacob had dragged her to, and there was nothing I could do. How I would've killed to see her in a bikini, though!

"Me too" Emmett replied. "Let's do something fun"

It was the next-to- last night of detention and I was about to kill my siblings.

"For the love of God, Emmett! We're punished. We're not _supposed _to be having fun! Why can't you guys just deal with it? We'll be free in a few hours…" I yelled. This was so annoying.

"Don't yell at him!" Rosalie cried, turning defensive. "It's not Emmett's fault you're such a party pooper"

"Ugh. Not again!" Jazz said, standing up. "I'm sick of you guys arguing all the time! Why can't you just shut the hell up?"

"Well excuse _us_, Mr. Perfect" Rose said petulantly.

"Jeez, Rose, you're sounding like a thirteen-year-old brat" I said.

"Don't talk to her like that!" Emmett ordered.

"Who's gonna stop me?" I taunted.

"God, now who's acting like a spoiled kid?" Rose asked rhetorically.

"What did you just say, Miss Goody-two-shoes?" I said.

"Stop! Dammit, I'm trying to think here!" Alice yelled.

Jasper took a deep breath.

"OK, everyone, being together so long is obviously not good for us. I think if we stop yelling at each other so much, we could come up with something fun to do while we wait"

"Alright" Emmett said, lapsing into silence. One by one, Jazz calmed us all down.

Five minutes after, Alice stood up and gave a little jump.

"Let's play truth or dare again!" She suggested.

"What the fuck?" Rose said.

"No way" I shook my head.

"Alice!" Jasper yelled. "I'd finally calmed them down!"

"Yess!" Emmett shouted, grinning. "This is gonna be good"

"Two against three, but I'm worth a thousand, so we win" Alice said calmly. "Besides, Jazz'll play, won't you, Jazz?"

Jasper nodded, surrendering to Alice's puppy eyes.

"Fine" Rose sulked, sitting next to Emmett. "No cheating, though"

"Wait a minute, Alice" I pleaded. "How are we gonna do dares if we can't get out of here?"

Alice frowned.

"OK, fine. You win, Edward. Just call Bella and tell her to come over tomorrow, I'm sure I will have thought of something by then"

I snorted. As if.

But as I called Bella, I felt truly happy because _finally_, Alice had lost.

Or so I thought…

_**PREVIEW OF JASPER/ALICE FANIFC:**_

APOV

"Excuse me, ma'am, I'm looking for a book on wolves" I said softly.

"The nature section is over there" The woman whispered back, pointing to some bookshelves on the other side of the library. I quickly thanked her and got to work right away. Scanning the titles, I finally found just what I was looking for.

I reached for the book, but it was too high. I stood on my tiptoes and gave a little jump, straining to reach it. Suddenly, a hand grabbed the book and brought it down for me.

I spun around to see the cutest guy ever. He was impossibly tall and muscular. His honey blonde hair fell over his eyes as he shyly looked at me.

"Thank you so much!" I said, smiling happily at him. "I couldn't have reached that in a million years!"

"It was nothing" He said, looking down at me. I felt tiny beside him, but I also felt completely safe.

"My name is Alice Brandon. What's _your_ name?" I asked, sticking my hand out.

"Jasper Hale, miss" I could've melted right then and there. I mean, he was so nice and handsome! Definitely a gentleman.

"It's nice to meet you, Jazz. What are you doing here?" I asked, tilting my head to the side curiously.

"The same thing you are. I'm doing research for an essay" He laughed.

"How did you know that?" I said, putting my hands on my hips.

He smiled.

"I don't think you're checking out a book about wolves and their mating habits for fun" Blushing, I clutched my book tighter. Stupid Alice, stupid!

"Um… So, what did Mrs. Carmack make you research anyway?"

"Guinea pigs" He admitted sheepishly. I laughed. "Well, it's not my fault our biology teacher's going mad!"

I quickly glanced at my clock. Bella was gonna kill me!

"You have to go" Jasper said. I nodded reluctantly.

"Yeah, a friend of mine is waiting for me at her house. I'm gonna be so late!" I complained, thinking of the long walk to Bella's house.

"Well, I could give you a ride. If you need one, that is" He added, looking at his feet. He was so _cute_!

"Really? Oh my God, thank you!" I impulsively hugged him. My head barely reached his shoulders, and I was standing on tiptoes! _Again_! Embarrassed, I stepped back.

"Sorry about that" I whispered.

"Hey, don't worry about it. It's OK" He said, looking into my eyes. _Swoon_. "Let's go check these books out"

Jazz grabbed my book and put his hand on my shoulder as if to keep a hold on me. Five minutes later, we were in his car.

Time flew by. When we reached Bella's street, I didn't want to get out of the car. Ever.

"Thanks for the ride, Jasper. I really appreciate it" I said, opening the door of the car.

"It was nothing. See you tomorrow!" He said, smiling.

"See ya" I waved and watched him leave.

"Alice! I can't _believe_ you don't know who Jasper Hale is!" Bella cried as I finished telling her everything that had happened.

"Care to enlighten me?" I asked sarcastically.

"He's one of the cutest, most popular guys in school! And his sister is…"

"… Rose Hale!" I finished. "Of course! I can't believe I didn't notice this earlier"

Bells shrugged and looked at the TV, where a creepy killer had finally caught up with the girl he was chasing and was about to cut her into a bazillion pieces.

"Aaaaaaah!" We both shrieked as the girl saw the man's face and ran out of her house, trying to find someone who could help her.

"Don't look back! Noo!" I yelled as the guy grabbed her leg and started dragging her towards the seashore.

"He's gonna drown her! Oh my God!" Bella hid her head in her hands. "I can't watch, Ally, you do it for me!"

I panicked and screamed as I watched the guy's hands encircle the girls neck…

"What is going on here?!" Bella's dad, Charlie Swan, burst into the room with his gun ready. I guess he thought we were being murdered or raped or something.

"Nothing, dad. We're just watching a movie" Bella said calmly.

"Oh. Well, I guess I'll just…" Charlie trailed off and left immediately, closing the door behind him.

Both of us sighed in relief.

"I thought he was going to shoot one of us!" I said, giggling. Bella just smiled and started picking up the popcorn that was on the floor.

"So, back to Jasper. Do you like him?" Bells asked seriously.

I hesitated. I barely knew the guy, and yet… He was smart- that much I was sure of- and he was super cute. Also, there was the possibility that he was interested.

"Yes" I whispered, looking at my hands. Call me crazy, but I had a feeling Jasper Hale and I were going places. And, as everyone at school knows, my feelings should not be ignored.

JPOV

I walked into my house and saw my sister being kissed by yet another guy. Furious, I pulled him off her.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing, kid?" I growled, shaking him.

"I- I was just" He stuttered. Ugh, this was disgusting. Why couldn't guys leave Rose alone? I mean, she was really beautiful, but they didn't have to stalk her.

And the worst part was the fact that my parents didn't care. They should've been protecting her, but instead they encouraged this kind of attention. Even though they were working all day, they still had time to tell my twin she should try to get Hunther Gallown, the richest guy in school.

"Get out" I spat, practically throwing the guy out the door and slamming it in his face. I turned to look at Rose.

"Are you OK?" I asked, walking over to give her a hug.

"I'm fine" She said. "I just can't believe he followed me home from school! This is insane!"

"Ditto that" I said as she straightened her blouse.

Rose sighed again.

"Cheer up, Rosie! Hey, I'm gonna make myself something to eat. You want anything?" I asked, walking into our kitchen.

"A sandwich. God, I'm starving!" She said, her stomach growling.

"Yeah, well, I'm glad you'll be putting your mouth to a better use than you were five minutes ago" I teased as my little sis stuck her tongue out at me. Even though I was only 2 minutes older, I felt that I had to protect her.

"Jasper, Jasper, Jasper… I swear if you weren't my favorite brother I would've killed you by now" Rose sat down on the kitchen counter and watched me make our dinner.

"I'm your _only_ brother, kid. Besides, that'd leave nobody to keep all the creepy guys away from you, sis" I said reasonably.

She grabbed her sandwich and I began to munch on mine.

"You were late today" Rose said out of the blue.

"Whaddaya mean?" I mumbled, my mouth full of peanut butter.

"You always get here at around 5:00, Jasper. We both know that _you_ are a creature of habit. Tell me what happened" She demanded "I tell you _everything_! It's not fair!"

I groaned.

"OK, Rose. Jeez, you're so nosy…"

"Don't you _dare _try to distract me, Jasper Hale! You _know_ it won't work!" She yelled, her eyes blazing.

"Fine. I stopped by the library so I could get a book for my biology class. You know Mrs. Carmack" I said, rolling my eyes. "God forbid I use the internet"

Rose looked at me suspiciously. As my twin and other half, she knew me far too well.

"You're not telling me the whole story. Dammit, Jasper, what happened in the library?" I could tell by now, Rose was pretty impatient.

"I met this girl…"

"What. Is. Her. Name" Rose asked, looking as if the fate of the planet depended on my answer.

"Alice Brandon" Her face fell. "I don't think you know her, Rosie. She's in _my_ bio class, not yours"

"Describe her. Maybe I've seen her in the halls" Rose replied.

"She's really tiny. Her hair is really short and black. So are her eyes. She's also pretty skinny" I said, trying to omit the fact that she was the most beautiful girl on Earth.

"How did you meet?" I put my face in my hands.

"Rosalie! What is this, the Spanish Inquisition?" I growled.

"Yes!" She hissed. OK, _that _was unexpected. "And don't talk to me like that! I'm your _sister_, for Christ's sake! I'm supposed to know everything about you!"

"Alright. Alice was trying to reach a book on wolves, but it was too high" I chuckled as I remembered how little Alice had jumped and strained to get what she wanted. This girl was obviously pretty stubborn.

"Oh my God" Rosalie breathed, her whole face glowing. "I know that look. You _like_ her!"

"Rose! I barely know the girl!" I protested.

"You said the same thing about Vera and you asked her whether she would go out with you the next day!"

"This is different" I said. Rose snorted and rolled her eyes.

"You mark my words, Jasper Hale. You'll end up getting together with that Alice girl before this month is over" She said.

"You know what, Rosie? You're on!"


	29. Chapter 29: The king of the world

EPOV

"So we're playing Truth or Dare" I finished. "Wanna come? We've been really good these past few days, Bells. The only thing that happened was that Jazz began to manipulate Mrs. Cope's emotions and then we all had to watch her give Rose and Emmett a lap dance…"

"Both of them?!" Bella shrieked.

"Yeah. It was odd. And then he got her really angry and she punched Alice. This, of course, hurt quite a bit. Jasper almost had a fit"

"And you tell me this so I'll realize you're behaving? Jeez, Edward, you're family's sick!" Bella laughed.

"I heard that!" Alice yelled.

"Not true!" Rose shouted at the same time.

"Don't you dare put me in the same group as Emmett, Bella!" Jazz demanded.

"I'm the king of the world! Bow to me!" Emmett screamed randomly. Bella laughed, she had heard everything.

"I have an idea, love. It's called: Let's pretend that never happened" I said. Bella laughed.

"OK, I'll come"

***

RPOV

We all sat in a circle, Bella included.

"I'll start!" Jasper yelled.

"You will, Jazz. But first, the rules" I whispered in an eerie voice. Dun da dah dun! "The only dares allowed will be the ones that can be performed inside this room and do not involve sex, murder or stripping your clothes off. Everyone has to pick truth at least once, so we'll have a double round. You don't get to choose between truth or dare, the other person does"

Everyone nodded solemnly and Jasper pointed at Edward.

"Truth. You will name every job you've had and I'll be able to ask you to explain one of them" Edward's eyes opened wide. What could be so bad?

"I hate you, Jasper. Fine. I've worked at McDonald's, Abercrombie, Lucy's Hair salon, Kirk's gym for the physically unfit and…" He whispered something too low for us to hear.

"I didn't quite catch the last one. Say again?" Jasper asked, obviously enjoying this.

We all turned to Edward expectantly.

"Alright! My last job was one only Jazz , Emmett and I know about. I never told any of you because once, when we were playing Truth or Dare, Emmett dared me to work for one month as a…"

**CLIFFIE! I EXPECT REVIEWS!!!! LOTS OF 'EM. IF YOU DO, I'LL UPLOAD SOONER CAUSE THIS TIME I ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN NEXT CHAPTER. OH, YEAH, I'M MEAN.**


	30. Chapter 30: Tanya vs June

**THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH FOR THE REALLY AWESOME REVIEWS AND FOR NOT HATING ME! NOW WE JUST NEED 350 MORE! SO… REVIEW!**

_Last chapter:_

"_Alright! My last job was one only Jazz , Emmett and I know about. I never told any of you because once, when we were playing Truth or Dare, Emmett dared me to work for one month as a…"_

BPOV

"… male stripper" Images of Edward dancing around a pole filled my head. I saw him giving me a lap dance, his hips moving tantalizingly. He began to take his shirt off… Wow, my man had some great abs. And a six-pack. Delicious…

"What the fuck?" Rose laughed, shattering my fantasies. "Hey, Eddie, wanna show us what you learned?"

"Oh my God! Edward was a stripper, Edward was a stripper!" Alice said in a sing-song voice.

I was in shock. If Edward had been human, he would be blushing furiously. He grabbed my hand and gave it a squeeze. Then, he put his finger under my chin and raised it until I met his eyes.

"Bella? Are you OK?" He asked worried.

"I think she's having a seizure, Eds" Emmett replied, grinning wildly.

Jasper couldn't stop himself from looking a little smug. He was obviously enjoying this.

"Bella?" Edward asked, more urgently than before. "Bella, please, talk to me!"

I cocked my head to the side and let my eyes roam over his perfect, sculpted-from-marble body.

"How much is a lap dance?" I asked, giving him a little smile. Edward laughed nervously.

"Wait a minute! This isn't over yet, Edward. Tell us what happened while you worked. Most embarrassing experience you can think of" Jazz put in.

"Oh, can't you just leave him alone?" I put my arms around Edward protectively.

Emmett and Jasper looked at each other.

"Nah" They both answered. Edward shrugged.

"It was December. The club's shows were getting a better attendance from girls since I'd started to work there. There was this stripper… June, I think she was called. Anyways, she treated me very protectively. Almost like she was my older sister. So one day, I saw Tanya come in. I almost had a fit. She requested a lap dance from any stripper, and it was my turn…"

We all gasped.

"There were strict no-touching rules in the club, and when a shocked Tanya put her hands on my chest, June – who had a really terrible temper, by the way – walked right over to her, grabbed her by her shirt collar, and slapped her in the face. Really hard. I think Tanya must have ended up quite shaken, 'cause she didn't go back there for as long as I was there" Edward finished. We all laughed.

"Poor Tanya!" Alice said "No wonder she always looks at you weird, she's probably scarred for life!"

"Yeah, well, so am I" Edward pointed "But it's my turn now. I choose…"

**I'm only ending the chapter like this 'cause I don't remember whom Edward was supposed to choose, haha. But my friends at school should remember. I'll update ASAP. But you gotta review…**

**Press that button!!! **


	31. Chapter 31: A very cold winter

_Last Chapter:_

"_Poor Tanya!" Alice said "No wonder she always looks at you weird, she's probably scarred for life!"_

"_Yeah, well, so am I" Edward pointed "But it's my turn now. I choose…"_

BPOV

"… Rosalie" Edward said, pointing at his sister. She grinned at him.

"I choose truth. I have nothing to hide" She flaunted.

"Oh, really? Then I guess you don't mind telling us what got you arrested for the very first time in your life" Edward said, a glint in his eye. Rose's eyes widened.

"Not that! Edward!" She whined, pouting adorably. "What did I ever do to you?"

"And you ask?" Edward replied, not letting her persuade him. "Need I remind you that you locked me up for 30 minutes_ alone_ with my extremely human girlfriend while Jasper sent enough lust for an army?"

Rose hesitated.

"Didn't think so. Start the story, Rose. We're all impossibly eager to hear it" Edward crossed his arms over his chest triumphantly.

"Fine. But just for the record, you _asked_ for this!" Rosalie accused. She sighed. "It was December, and I remember it was pretty f-ing cold, though I couldn't feel it. Anyway, Emmett was returning from one of his hunting trips with you guys and we were both eager to be alone with each other"

Everyone shuddered. We all knew far too well what Emmett and Rose wanted to do while they were alone; we had each caught them doing it at least once. It wasn't our fault, though, they were everywhere! In the kitchen, under Emmett's jeep, in Carlisle's study… I had actually caught them going at it in the garden! They were like rabbits- infertile rabbits, thank God.

"Oh, get a grip, guys! As I was saying, we wanted to be alone. So Emmett asked me to wait on the corner of Park Street and the 7th Avenue. I was wearing a miniskirt and a strapless shirt- they're the easiest to take off, you know?"

"We didn't, Rose, but thank you for the tip. Go on" Edward said calmly. Rose stuck her tongue out at him

"Jeez, when will you people stop interrupting me? So I was standing there, just waiting for my date to arrive, when a policeman comes up to me and handcuffs me!"

EPOV

"_What the fuck?" Rose asked, not bothering with politeness._

"_You are arrested for prostitution, ma'am. You have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be used against you…" The policeman droned out, like a kid reciting a well-known lesson._

"_But I'm not a prostitute! I'm waiting for my date!" Rosalie protested as the man led her to his cruiser._

"_And you're wearing a strapless shirt in the middle of winter? Paired with a miniskirt? I don't think that's the best outfit for a date, ma'am. I'm not stupid" The policeman slammed the door in her face and drove in silence all the way to the station._

I was having a fit. I had picked this from Rose's mind, but it had never been so explicit… I choked on my own laughter and watched in amazement as Bella slowly turned purple. Tears were running down her cheeks.

"Bella! Are you alright?" I asked instantly serious. She nodded and kept on laughing with the rest of my siblings.

"Long story short, Emmett had to go bail me out and I made him swear he wouldn't tell any of you where I was. I've never worn summer clothes during winter since then"

"Oh my God! So that's why you burned that outfit! I thought you were going insane when I saw you" Alice cried, holding on to Jazz for dear life.

" And you always yell that you're not a whore when a guy asks you out on a date? That's a bit hypocritical, Rosie, don't you think?" Bella asked. Everyone was shocked. "What? Edward tells me _everything_ you guys do"

We all groaned. Rose smiled.

"Not everything, Bella. Which is why I choose…"

* * *

**Another cliffie! Ha, I'm evil... Review, it keeps the author happy and the uploads coming often!!!**


	32. Chapter 32: Skiing

_Last chapter:_

" _And you always yell that you're not a whore when a guy asks you out on a date? That's a bit hypocritical, Rosie, don't you think?" Bella asked. Everyone was shocked. "What? Edward tells me __everything__ you guys do"_

_We all groaned. Rose smiled._

"_Not everything, Bella. Which is why I choose…"_

BPOV

"… Alice!" Rose shrieked. My best friend groaned.

"What did I ever do to you? I choose Truth, of course" Alice pouted. Rose was practically glowing.

"OK. My question is really simple. What happened the first time you went skiing?" I was shocked. Why would Alice be embarrassed?

"I was in the Alps with Rose. It was my first time skiing and I was really nervous. So after a while I began to go on some of the harder slopes. Suddenly, I lost my balance and fell. Before I could get up, this guy in a snowboard was coming at me, and he couldn't slow down! So I crossed my arms to 'protect myself'- and my outfit- but I forgot I was still holding the poles. So the guy came at me, and he stabbed himself in the groin with them" Alice said.

I laughed and shook my head in disbelief. Why would Rose give Alice such a silly truth? It was funny, but still…

EPOV

Everything was going according to plan. I had convinced Rose to ask Alice an easy truth and she would ask Bella something I had always wanted to know in exchange.

"Aw, Rose! You just wasted a perfectly good truth!" Emmett whined.

"Well, I can promise you this one will be much better. I choose Bella" Alice said.

Bella's eyes widened in horror.

"Alice! You wouldn't!" She gasped.

"I would, Bells. Edward bribed me" Alice said simply.

I groaned as Bella turned to face me.

"What the fuck?" She spat furious. I chuckled nervously.

"Don't be mad, Bell. I just…"

"I thought you were on my side!" She said.

"I am!" I protested. "I swear!"

She crawled out of my lap and went over to sit next to Emmett.

"You are my one and only friend" She told him sadly. Then she turned to look at me "But you are the worst boyfriend ever!"

I sighed and gave her my best puppy eyes.

"I'm sorry, Bella. Please, forgive me. Please?" She shook her head. "Pretty please? With a cherry on top?"

God, I felt like such a girl. But Bella's eyes softened. It was working!

"Fine. What did you want to know anyway?" She asked.

"I…"

"What Edward wants me to ask is: Bella..."

* * *

**Ooh, cliffie. I'm not mean, I just don't know what to ask Bella. Suggestions?? Review!! It's easy, free and keeps the author really happy.**


	33. Chapter 33: Drugged

_**THANK YOU TO twilightlover14ever FOR THE GREAT IDEA.**_

_Last chapter:__  
__"What Edward wants me to ask is: Bella..."_

BPOV

"…Have you ever stripped completely in front of anybody? Who? Why?" Alice asked, real curiosity in her eyes. I blushed.

"Edward! You are such a perv!" I told him. He looked down, embarrassed.

"Sorry, love, but I just had to ask" He said.

"Yeah, the not-knowing was eating him alive" Emmet joked.

"Well? Answer already!" Rose commanded. Jasper sent me a wave of confidence and my blush faded.

"OK. The one person I have ever completely stripped in front of is… Mike Newton" I answered. Edward gave a little jump. Alice choked on her own venom and Rose stared at me open-mouthed. Emmett and Jasper were laughing their asses off.

"Why?" Jasper asked, twisting violently on the floor between spasms of laughter.

"Well, when Edward left, I tried every distraction I could think of. I hung out with Mike, Jess, Tyler and Eric a lot.

One day, we were just watching a movie at Mike's when he- well, I guess he kinda drugged me. I started to feel really happy and the guys proposed an orgy. Jess agreed. I took my clothes off but then I saw Mike. He was… ugh! So gross…

Anyway, I ran out of the room, put my clothes back on and went home." I said quickly. Edward was dumbfounded. He looked like he was having an internal seizure.

"Bella's dirty little secret is revealed!" Emmet boomed, shaking with laughter again. Now, Alice and Rose were laughing too. Jeez, what was wrong with these people? I tell them about an almost-rape and they laugh!

I tried to get off Edward's lap again but he hugged me tight. Too tight.

"Ed... can't… breathe!" I gasped. Edward let go of me and I slumped to the floor, gasping for air.

"Bella, it doesn't matter, really" Edward said. Then his eyes hardened. Uh-oh, I was in for it now "But Mike, Eric and Tyler are dead"

I sighed in relief.

"Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go get 'em!" Jasper yelled, standing up.

"Um… Jazz, we're punished, remember?" Alice asked dubiously.

"When has that stopped us?" Emmett asked sarcastically.

"But what about the game?" Rose protested.

"We'll keep on playing later, Rosalie. Let's go prank those three idiots first" Edward said.

We girls hesitated.

"Fine. But if they take me to jail again…" Rose treathened.

Alice rolled her eyes.

With me in Edward's arms, we left for Mike's house.

I chuckled evilly. This was gonna be fun.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**Spring Break! There are no computers at the beach, so no updates till Monday… Or Tuesday…**

**He he. Review!!!!!**


	34. Chapter 34: Mahou Shoujo Neko X

* * *

RPOV

We got to Mike's house pretty soon, and everything began to go smooth for there. We climbed into a tree and watched everything from there. Luckily, Mike, Eric and Tyler were hanging out in Mike's room, so we didn't have to hunt them all down.

They were reading some kind of creepy, Japanese comic called _Mahou Shoujo Neko X. _The cover was full of barely-dressed catgirls. Ew.

"The meeting of this club is now in session. All member rise" Mike said solemnly. All of the guys stood up and put their hands over their hearts.

"I swear to love, think of and have wet dreams about the girls in this comic. I will never leave my urges unsatisfied. Instead, I will use this great comic book to masturbate in the bathroom during class. This I swear on my honor as a man" The pledged. I suppressed a giggle. God, what is wrong with these guys?

"Time to dress up!" Tyler yelled. They each grabbed a bag and ran out of the room.

"What do you guys think they're gonna do?" Bella asked. We all turned to Alice.

"You don't really wanna know" She said, shaking her head in disgust.

"Ooh, this is gonna be good" Emmett said. We waited expectantly. The door opened. The three boneheads walked in wearing…

BPOV

What the fuck are those guys doing wearing lingerie? And wigs? Ew, ew, ew! This brings back so many memories…

Mike pushed a button on his stereo and music began to blare out of the speakers. Him, Eric and Tyler began to dance in what I suppose they thought was a sexy way. But it wasn't.

"Are they cross-dressers?" Jasper whispered as we watched the show. Emmett was filming the whole thing. It was hilarious, but in a gross way.

They began to touch themselves, shaking their hair and dancing wildly to the music. Eric had a pole and was sharing it with Tyler. Mike was crawling on the floor.

"Mike, I'm going to…" Mrs. Newton walked in. She saw the guys and opened her mouth. She was literally speechless. Mike stood up and tried to explain, but she waved a hand in front of her face dismissively and covered her eyes. "Don't say anything, Mike. I don't really wanna know"

"Use protection!" She yelled, slamming the door shut.

"Oh, well" Eric shrugged and got back to what he was doing. The song ended soon after and we had all the footage we needed.

"This meeting is officially adjourned!" Mike said, slamming a stuffed hammer down on Tyler.

"Hey! Watch it, dude" He protested, rubbing his head. Mike gave him a weird look.

"Sorry" The three strangest guys in the world got up and went into the bathroom to change. We all jumped down from the tree and ran all the way to Alice's Porsche.

Laughing, I collapsed into the backseat and landed in Edward's lap.

"Well… That was fun, I guess" Edward said dubiously.

"Are you kidding me? It was freaking hilarious!" Emmett yelled. Jasper nodded.

"I have an idea" Alice said, her eyes sparkling mischievously. We waited expectantly. "What if we throw a party- for the whole school, of course- and show it there? It'd be great! The perfect revenge"

"Oh my God, Alice! Yeah, let's do it!" Rose said, smiling. Emmett whooped and Jasper stared at his wife in amazement. Edward and I looked at each other. He shrugged.

"OK" I said. It was settled. We were getting revenge on those creeps- Cullen style.

* * *

**OH** **MY GOD!! 1000 REVIEWS! YAY!!**

**ANYWAYS, IN CASE YOU'VE FORGOTTEN, I PROMISED YOU A KIMMY ONE-SHOT AND TWO NEW SERIES. WELL, I'M ON IT. I'LL POST THE ONE-SHOT FIRST, AND IF YOU GUYS DON'T REVIEW... *SHOWS READERS A KNIFE***

LOVE YOU SO MUCH, GUYS!!


	35. Chapter 35: Bunnies!

BPOV

I sucked the chocolate bunny absent mindedly. It was so good, so delicious… Edward came in and I quickly stuffed it in my mouth so he wouldn't see.

"Emmett, grab the picnic blankets and take them to the clearing" Esme ordered, giving him a handful of new gingham blankets.

"Then what do I do?" He asked. Esme sighed and I rolled my eyes.

"You spread them on the floor, honey. Rosalie I think you'd better go with him" Rose nodded and took his hand. They left so fast I couldn't even see them go. Stupid, awesome, vamps. Damn them all.

"Alice, call everyone" Alice took the list of names Esme gave her and skipped off towards the phone with Jasper by her side.

"Bella, darling, why don't you go buy some food and drinks?" Esme suggested. "Here, take this"

I looked at the wad of hundred dollar bills in my hand and stared.

"Is that enough?" Esme asked. I nodded and got into my truck. Edward followed immediately after- no duh _there_.

The drive to the store was silent, giving me time to think over our evil plan. When Esme heard we wanted to throw a picnic for the school, she was ecstatic. What she didn't know was what was gonna happen _during _the picnic…. I chuckled evilly, making Edward stare at me like I was insane. I giggled.

"Bella, are you OK?" He asked. I nodded and giggled again. Edward groaned. "Bella, please tell me you didn't eat sugar"

I giggled and put my finger to my lips to hush him. Edward sighed.

"What did you eat?" He asked, placing me on his lap and parking in front of the store perfectly.

"Bunnies!" I squealed, causing Edward to jump. "Bunnies, bunnies, bunnies, bunnies! BUNNIES!"

"Oh my God" I giggled. "Who gave you the bunnies, Bella?"

"ALICE!" I roared, growling at Edward. I'm a lion. Pretty lion. He, he.

EPOV

I am gonna kill my sister. Bella is high on sugar- again.

"Alright, Bella. Now, just wait for me here while I go buy some food, OK?" I asked slowly. Bella shook her head.

"No!" She said stubbornly, crossing her arms over her chest and pouting like a littler kid.

"Well, you can come, buty only if you promise to behave" I compromised. Bella's grin lit up the van. She nodded excitedly.

We got out of the van and into the supermarket. I grabbed a cart.

"OMG!" Bella squealed "I wanna go in there!"

I lifted her onto the cart and grabbed another one for the food.

"Bella, what should we buy for the picnic?" I asked.

"Bunnies!" She shrieked. I sighed and headed for the sweets' aisle. Bella's eyes widened.

"Eddie" She said earnestly, pulling my arm. "I'm hungry"

"Not now, Bells" I answered, grabbing lollipops, chocolates, gummies and putting it all in the other cart.

"Edward! Feed me!" She wailed.

"OK, OK, fine. Here, take this" I said, giving my girlfriend a pack of M&Ms. She clutched them to her chest and sighed happily.

"I love you" She sang, waving her arms over her head and collapsing into an exhausted heap.

I sighed in relief and quickly finished the shopping with the help of a twelve-year-old little girl. I missed my Bella.

APOV

"Jazz, the video's in that drawer. Edit it" I ordered. Jasper kissed me, snatched the tape and went towards the computer.

I grabbed the guest list and quickly dialed Jessica's number.

"Hey, Jess! This is Alice Cullen" I said

"Oh. Hi, Alice. What's up?" Jess asked. I smiled.

"Well, we're organizing a picnic and we were wondering wether you'd like to come"

"I'd love to!" Jessica replied excitedly.

"On one condition, Jess" I said.

"What?" She asked warily.

"Invite as many people as possible" I hung up, smiling and went on to ring the whole class.

* * *

**OMG!! PEOPLES!!! I UPLOADED THE KIMMY ONE-SHOT AND I HAVE 7 F-ING REVIEWS!!! I CANNOT BELIEVE IT!! PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE REVIEW!!!**


	36. Chapter 36: Cullen Girls

RPOV

The clearing was utterly full of students. Everyone that was still in high school had come, and so had some of the kids from La Push. The stench of werewolf made me gag.

"Jessica" I said, gently tapping her in the shoulder. She whirled around, startled. I smiled. "Who exactly did you invite?"

"Well, I phoned some friends from La Push because I knew you guys would probably invite most of the kids from school, anyway. Is that OK?" She asked.

"Oh, sure. I was just wondering where the horrid smell was coming from" I replied coolly. I turned around and headed towards Emmett and Jasper, who were tossing a football back and forth at a human pace.

"I'm bored" Emmett whined. I froze. That was how it had all started, only Alice had been the one talking.

"Don't ever, _ever_ say that again, Emmett" I ordered, plopping down on the grass next to him.

"What did I do now?" He asked. "Jeez…"

"Hey, Rose!" Bella yelled, standing with Edward's arm around her. "We need some help, here"

I went over to them and watched as they fiddled with the hi-tech computer.

"Give it" I commanded. Edward handed me the laptop and I furiously clicked until we were all set.

"There you go! And it's finally getting dark. Now all Alice has to do is make the big announcement" I commented. Suddenly, Alice appeared next to me.

"I'm here" She said. "Hand me the mike"

Taking the microphone, Alice cleared her throat loudly and waited for all the heads to turn our way.

"As you probably know," She began "We Cullens organized this picnic for all of you. But what you _don't_ know is why.

"Last February, Mike drugged Bella. He wanted to include her in an orgy he was throwing with Eric, Tyler, and a girl we will not name. Fortunately, Bella managed to escape. This is Edward's punishment to Mike for what he did.

"If you would kindly look at the screen, we will show a video starring the three biggest creeps that have ever walked the halls of Forks High School. If you ever wish to see the video again, it will be posted in Youtube under the title _Punishment, Cullen Style._"

Everyone turned to look at the huge screen propped up in the middle of the clearing. A projector lit up the screen as huge letters reading "Maho Shoujo Neko X" flashed across the screen. I smiled and took Emmett's hand. Revenge was definitely best served cold.

BPOV

As soon as the video ended, shouts rang through the cold air, piercing the quiet. Everyone stared at Mike, Eric and Tyler with disgust and/or amusement on their faces. Mostly, though, kids were laughing. Edward grinned and hi-fived Jasper.

"Wow" I said as I watched as Jessica bitch-slapped Mike and walked away from him shaking her ass so violently, it looked like it was gonna come off any minute. I stifled a laugh.

"Awesome" Emmett grinned. Then he went over to Mike.

"Hey, Mikey! Looks like it's gonna be just you and your pacifier for a while, now, doesn't it?" He bellowed, slapping him in the back. Hard. Mike winced and then puffed up his chest.

"Well, at least I've got a pacifier and not some lesbo-chick that's cheating on me with her sister" Mike replied proudly. Rose's mouth dropped open and Emmett's grin faded instantly.

"Take it back" He said seriously, rising to his full height and towering over Mike like a bear. "Do it now!"

Mike hesitated and shook his head. Emmett grabbed him by the collar. Jasper was there in a second, backing him up.

"Dude" Edward told Mike. "You are _really_ in trouble this time"

Rose looked like an angel of destruction as her face contorted into a cold, hard mask. Alice resembled one of those evil fairies you read about in fairy-tales.

"You see, Mike, we really don't wanna fight, but those are our girls you're talking about" Jasper said mock-pleasantly. "So just take it back"

"Our girls?" Mike asked innocently, quoting Jasper. "What does that mean? Do you two, like, share or something?"

That was it for Emmett's self-control. He drew his arm back and punched Mike in the face. Edward looked at him meaningfully before, so I doubted he'd used his vamp-strength.

Mike fell to the floor and started twisting and contorting into positions unknown to man. Rose and Alice giggled and their husbands' faces softened.

"Take it back, Mike" I advised. "You're gonna get hurt"

"He already is" Alice said. I laughed.

Mike stumbled trying to get to his feet. Then, he slowly backed up a few feet and took off running desperately.

"And _that_" Rosalie said "Is why no one messes with the Cullens"

"Or the Cullen Girls" I added. We grinned at each other and hi-fived.

We _so_ rock.


	37. Chapter 37: Three months

**Sorry, sorry, sorry for the delay, but I'm having my finals, and… well, I'm pretty busy selling reviews for the exams. And studying, of course.**

**I'd like to dedicate this chapter to my BFF Mary, who's turning 15 on June 7. Happy B-day, girl!**

BPOV

"It's _my _turn" I said happily, sitting down on the floor of my living-room. We'd decided to go on with the game at my house to avoid detection from Carlisle and Esme.

"Shoot" Emmett boomed, placing Rose in his lap. Jazz and Edward had cleared the room, so there was plenty of space for everyone.

"I choose… you!" I yelled, pointing at Emmett. He nodded calmly.

"Emmett, Emmett, Emmett" I said, enjoying my evilness. "You are in trouble. Someone has been a very, very bad boy. So… Truth or Dare?"

"Truth" He answered. Everyone gaped. "What? I've never chosen it! I thought it was time for a change!"

I thought about it for a while and smiled.

"Um… Jeez, I wasn't ready for this. Ooh, I know. Emmet, what's the longest Rose has punished you with leaving and why did she do that?"

"Um… Bella" Emmett said awkwardly. "I don't think Rose will like me telling you like that"

"Are you kidding me? I'd love it!" Rose said evilly.

"Well… Ok, here it goes:

I was really bored, and only Alice was home. But she didn't wanna do anything, she was too busy shopping on the computer! So I got a great idea… I dressed as a bunny, while bringing chocolate and red roses and tried to climb into her room. But I accidentally fell- I could only use my left hand. Anyway, Rose heard my cursing and ran back just in time to see me on the floor declaring my love to her laughing sister. She was _sooo_ mad- even after I explained it was all just a joke. So she went to Paris with Alice for three months on an extended shopping trip" Emmett finished.

"Oh, and he forgot the best part!" Rose added. "While little ole me was visiting Moulin Rouge, Emmett locked himself in a monastery- I forbid him to even look at another woman while I was gone- and spent the whole time masturbating! It was hilarious. And your poor Edward got more horrible memories to add to his collection during that time than he did in all the years before together!"

I laughed as I watched Edward shudder violently. Oh, well, a dare would've been so much better, but, still! Emmett the bunny!

I dreamed about that for a long, long time…


	38. Chapter 38: Gay?

BPOV

"My turn! My turn! _My_ turn!" Emmett roared happily. "I choose Jasper! Jasper, Jasper, Jasper. You _will _suffer"

And I wonder whether vampires can be high _because_…

"Truth or dare, man?" Jasper groaned.

"Truth" He chose. Alice blanked out for a minute and then smacked herself on the forehead. I smiled. Ooh, this was gonna be good.

"Wait here! I have to get dressed…" Emmett muttered, running up the stairs to his room. Alice giggled and started to open her mouth.

"No!" Emmett roared, appearing next to Alice, his pants halfway on. "You'll ruin the suspense"

"_Fine_" Alice said. "Be that way"

We waited for a few more seconds until Emmett finally finished and came downstairs. As soon as I saw him, I gasped.

Jasper groaned. The guy was dressed in a pink dress-shirt, some really, _really_ tight pants and had his hair gelled up in little spikes. In short, Emmett looked utterly gay.

Now, don't get me wrong. I have nothing against gays. I actually respect them- but guys don't. You can call a guy anything, except gay. So it was really no wonder that, while we all laughed, poor Jasper was having a brief panic-attack.

"Jasper" Emmett said in a little high-pitched voice. "We all know your wife dresses you with women's clothes. We do. What we are wondering is…"

We all waited while Emmett faked hesitation, trying to choose his next words.

"How far has she actually gone? When? And why, why why do you let her do this? Is it because she's a lesbian?" Alice smacked her brother's head and Jasper sighed.

"Well… Alright. Here it goes:

A couple of years ago- I think it was during the 70s- Alice and I stayed home alone while the rest of you guys went hunting. I wanted to enjoy our time to the fullest, but Alice had other ideas…" Jasper sighed. We all waited expectantly for him to go on.

"She thought she could beat Victoria's Secret, OK? There, I said it. My wife made me model lingerie! Are you happy now?" Jasper crossed his arms and started to sulk.

Now, I don't know whether we were happy, nut I could certainly see everyone laughing- myself included, of course.

"And no, Alice is not a lesbian, she just likes designing. And for the record, I let her do this because I don't particularly enjoy being castrated, Emmett" Jasper snapped.

Emmett's laughter ceased immediately, but Rose apparently couldn't stop.

"_Castrated_? God, Rosalie, what did you _do_ to him?" I asked.

"The question is what did he do to _me_. Bella, dear, remember that when you cut something off a vamp, it sticks back on anyway. So I just tore my husband's balls off and took them away to Italy for a month" She answered.

"That was fun" Alice said, giggling.

"Yeah. We watched every single movie ever filmed. But I think you should know what Emmett did…

It was our 25th wedding, I think. Yeah, the 25th. Anyway, Alice, Esme and I were going to throw a bachelorette party at our house and told the guys to get out. We were planning on modeling some underwear we'd designed; we were having our very own runway show! We'd even invited some guests to watch!

But the guys didn't listen. They snuck back in and hid above the lights and stuff. So, right when I was modeling my beautiful snow-themed set, the guys' weight was too much and they fell on top of me!" Rose covered her face with her hands "They ruined everything! I've never been so humiliated in my life! And then Jasper ran to a corner and started muttering and yelling like a madman while he shook because of all the emotions in the room! And then he made Carlisle go bonkers and he grabbed an uncooked chicken from the kitchen, put it on his head, and started running around. _Running_, Bella, _running_!"

Alice gave Rose a hug as we all tried not to laugh.

"Ssh, honey. It's OK, Rose. You're here, you're safe" She said.

"No, I'm not! If freaking scarred for _life_! For _eternity_!" Rose ran out of the room and Emmett followed hot on her heels, probably wanting to apologize.

"That was… interesting" Jasper said. Edward was laughing too much to answer- he had seen it all. Lucky bastard.

The phone rang, startling me.

"Don't bother answering, guys. Esme's got it" Alice said before anyone could move an inch. The guys nodded and let it go.

We've regretted that ever since.

* * *

**Ooooooh, cliffie!! Yay!! R and R now or I'll send Jasper after you!**

**sorry i took so long. I was punished, LOL**


	39. Chapter 39: The Fury

EsPOV

I was painting Bella's room a soft shade of yellow when the phone rang. After ages of begging him, Charlie had asked me over under the pretense of watching the kids so I could redecorate Bella's room. So far, so good.

"Hello?" I said into the receiver, I had run down to the kitchen in a flash.

"Hello. Is this the Swan residence?" A smooth male voice asked.

"Yes, it is. This is Esme Cullen speaking. How may I help you?" I asked curiously.

"Mrs. Cullen, I intended to speak to Chief Swan, but since I assume he is not present, I will tell you. It has come to my attention that the Chief's daughter and your adopted children have been playing a game of Truth or Dare, the consequences of which have been offensive and traumatizing to various town members" The man stated.

"I'm terribly sorry, sir, I assure you neither the Chief nor I knew anything of this situation and I, for one, will do everything in my power to make sure my children are suitably punished" I apologized.

"Mrs. Cullen, that is all I wanted to hear. Thank you for your time" The man hung up and I was left with the kitchen phone next to my ear and a blind fury and embarrassment flowing through me.

BPOV

"Oh, God, no!" Alice yelped suddenly. "Mike called here! He told Esme _everything_"

"Well, she's furious, and I don't intend to stay here and find out what she wants to do" Jasper said, standing up and pulling his wife to his side.

"Good Lord, she wants to _kill _us!" Edward whispered, shocked.

"Then let's get out of here, man" Emmett boomed.

"Move one inch and you die" Esme said from the kitchen, her voice eerily calm. Her face, though, was murderous. I had never seen her mad before, and let me tell you, that woman is terrifying.

"How could you do this to me? You all know you're forbidden to play that horrible game for a reason! After all the things that have happened in this family, you'd think you would learn a lesson! Time after time, I have let it go, and time after time you have disobeyed!" She fumed "I do not know what Charlie Swan will do when he finds out, and I do not care. All of you are punished for the rest of the summer. You will not leave the house. You are not allowed any contact with the outside world- your computers, DVDs, magazines, cars and televisions will be removed until I see fit. None of you may talk to Bella. Oh, and I better not catch you children playing this ever again, or I swear you will regret it for the rest of your immortal lives. That is all"

Esme stomped out of the room as we all sat there in stunned silence.

"Oh, wow" I said "That was…"

""…interesting" Rosalie finished.

We all looked at one another's shocked and horrified faces.

Emmett stood up decisively.

"I don't know about you guys, but I am going to kill Mike Newton"

**OK, PEOPLE!!! HELLO THERE!!! I HAVE GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS. **

**THE BAD NEWS TRUTH OR DARE WILL BE OVER IN 2 OR 3 CHAPTERS TOPS.**

**THE GOOD NEWS I WILL START UPLOADING MY NEW SERIES, A LONG ONE-SHOT ABOUT DIDYME AND A SERIES OF DRABBLES ABOUT THE VOLTURI THAT I SWEAR YOU GUYS WILL LOVE.**

**NOW, I'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU COULD READ THIS CAREFULLY.**

**GUYS, WE MADE IT TO 1,247 REVIEWS. I FIGURE, A THOUSAND OF YOU ARE READING THIS. THERE ARE 38 FREAKING CHAPTERS IN THIS FIC. IF YOU GUYS COULD JUST REVIEW THE LAST FEW CHAPTERS SO WE CAN MAKE IT TO 2,000 I WOULD BE REALLY GRATEFUL TO ALL OF YOU.**

**YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO… PRESS THAT BUTTON!!**


	40. Chapter 40: Kidnapped

BPOV

Oh my God. Oh my Freaking God. Would someone _please_ tell me this is not happening? Because I absolutely, definitely should _not_ be sneaking up to Mike Newton's house in the middle of the night with a grinning Edward beside me.

"This is ridiculous!" I whispered furiously "What is _wrong _with you Cullens? Why can't revenge be simple and normal with you, huh? We could just TP his house and be done with it!"

"Well, Emmett's creativity _is _a little out of control" Edward admitted "But it'll be fun! And besides, that creep owes us"

"I just don't see the point" I huffed. Edward shushed me and pulled my mask over my head tightly.

"From now on, we are burglars, OK?" He asked. I nodded and climbed on his back. Then, he ran around the house and jumped up into Mike's bedroom window.

_This brings back lots of memories…_ I thought with a shudder as Edward walked over to the bed.

"You know, I like it better when it's _you_ I'm looking at asleep in a bed, not Newton" He whispered. I stifled a giggle with my gloved hand.

Edward put his finger to his lips and started tying Mike's hands and feet together with a length of rope, waking him up.

"Wha-"

"Another sound and you die" Edward threatened darkly, his grin hidden by the sock with two holes he wore proudly on his face. Mike shut up, terrified. I slipped a blindfold over his head and giggled.

"Did you leave the ransom note?" Edward asked, saying his lines carefully and convincingly.

"Here it is" I answered, taking a note out of my pocket and leaving it on Mike's pillow. He couldn't tell, but what it actually said was that he was leaving with Eric and Tyler for two days. In Mike's handwriting.

"Good" He told me. Then he nodded towards Mike "Hope your parents got two million dollars handy, or it's a date with death for you, Golden Boy"

Mike shuddered and a tear slid down his cheek. Another one followed, and another one, and more after those, until he was a wet and miserable mess being carried in Edward's arms. I jumped into his back and held on tight as he ran towards the forest.

* * *

JPOV

Alice giggled as we ran to Eric's house. Edward told us he _had_ been involved with the phone call after all- as had Tyler- and we decided the three boys must pay on equal terms.

My wife and I were dressed as kidnappers. She had a mask on her head, as did I. When we got to the house, we drew to a stop. All the lights were on.

"I'll go in first" I whispered, feeling as excited as I had during my first day as a soldier in the Civil War.

I had lost, but this time- with Alice on my side- I would succeed.

With a small thump, I landed on Eric's window. He was playing a perverted and sick videogame on his computer. He was a soldier, and he ravaged towns and raped the women. Just like the Nazis.

I took out a fake gun and pointed it at him. He turned.

"If you make a sound," I threatened "Make sure you're ready to meet your Maker beforehand, child"

Alice landed beside me, smiling.

"Where shall I leave the note?" She asked, glancing around.

"There" I answered, gesturing towards the bed. I blindfolded Eric "Your parents better have lots of cash ready for us, kid"

The creep started stuttering and shaking and bawling, all at the same time. I was disgusted. Did he not know how to be a man? To be a coward- and in the presence of a lady- was revolting. Enough to make me gag.

"Hush, young one" Alice whispered dramatically, slapping him hard. "You shall not be harmed"

"Yet" I corrected, jumping out the window and rushing into the black night.

"Yet" My wife agreed as we passed the edge of the huge Forks forest.

We both laughed evilly, mocking Eric all the way to unconsciousness.

* * *

RPOV

"Cat woman, I repeat, Cat woman, please, answer. Over" Emmett whispered into his Walkie-Talkie. I groaned.

"Cat woman here, Sexy boy. I repeat, Cat woman here. Over" I replied unenthusiastically.

"Aw, come on, Rose!" Emmett whined, slinging his arm around my shoulders. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing" I answered "Your idea is great, really. I just wish we could cut the crap and kill Tyler already"

Emmett kissed my forehead.

"Ok, then. Up we go!" He grabbed me and suddenly we were flying, up, and up, and…

WHAM! Emmett's large frame shook the window. He set me down gently as we peeked inside Tyler's room.

The freak was watching a video! A home-made porn video.

"A word will get you killed" I said slowly, pointing a gun at the little pervert's head. God, I wished I could just pull, but Emmett needed me, and I wouldn't fail him.

"Hands behind your head!" Emmett snapped. Tyler paled and obeyed immediately.

"The ransom note" I reminded him. My husband nodded and placed the note gently on the bed. He turned off the TV, grabbed the DVD and smashed it in half. I smiled at him gratefully.

"He looks rich" I commented. Emmett nodded and slipped a blindfold over Tyler's head.

"Let's just home he's got enough cash to please us" He muttered. I laughed happily.

"Oh, he better" I threatened subtly.

"Let's go" Emmet ordered. I jumped out the window and heard him fall softly behind me. We started running, and in a few minutes I felt the city fade from view and the forest slowly appear.

* * *

EPOV

We all got to the clearing at the exact same time. I checked my watch- it was midnight.

"Perfect!" Alice giggled.

"The trees, brother" I reminded him subtly. He put Tyler down and tore the area of a small circle of trees bare except for a huge oak in the middle.

"Blindfolds off" Rose ordered. "This'll be a night they'll never forget"

"They won't" Alice assured her.

"Stop crying!" Bella snapped at Mike. "It's ridiculous, and extremely annoying"

"You should be glad she told us to take off your blindfolds instead of your heads" Jasper commented lightly.

We all laughed evilly.

The blindfolds had come off, and our hostages saw the forest surrounding them darkly.

"Who are you?" Eric whimpered

"Please, don't hurt me; please, don't hurt me" Mike begged. Bella reached for him "No! Don't touch me, please"

She drew her hand back and laughed at the sobbing teen. God, it was all so pathetic.

"Stop fooling around and tie them, guys" Rose recited perfectly. In truth, she wanted us to do anything but.

"Oh, we will" Emmett answered "We just wanna have a little fun first"

At that, the boys started crying, shrieking and twisting, all at the same time. They all got slapped, too.

"Do your parents have two million dollars?" I asked them bluntly. They shook their heads.

"Such a waste" Alice said regretfully.

"Alright then, honey" Rose drawled. "We'll have fun"

"Just tie them, dude" Jasper ordered. Emmett shrugged and complied quickly, tying the creeps to the tree trunk in the middle silently.

"And the fun begins" Bella purred. Oh, God, she was taking her role way too seriously.

Alice took out a brand-new cell phone and placed it a couple of feet away from them, just out of their reach.

"You may call someone" She said "If you _can_"

"If you _can't_, we'll just leave you here" Rose shrugged.

The boys tried. They really did. But it was impossible, and after ten minutes, Emmett got bored.

"Too bad" He said "Guess we gotta go now"

As we were turning around to blend into the shadows, Tyler snapped.

"Who are you?" He yelled desperately "Dammit, who are you?"

We were going to be caught, in the end. Alice had seen it, and so I decided to have a little fun.

I whirled around to face him and took off my mask.

"We're the Cullens"


	41. Epilogue: Fifty years later

Epilogue: 50 years later

"So, did they catch you, Mom?" Nessie asked from Jake's lap. Both were caught up in the story.

I chuckled, lost in the memories.

"Well, not really" I answered "Charlie covered for us by saying there was no real evidence. In the end, though, I was punished, for, like, _ages_"

More like the rest of high school.

"And Carlisle got _really_ mad" I said "And I do mean mad. Edward tells me he actually considered killing us for a second- cutting the problem off by the root, so to speak. Fortunately, Esme stopped it when he tried to tear Emmett's limbs off"

"His mom saved him?" Jake guffawed "I am _so_ not letting him live that down!"

"Never, _ever_ do anything like that to me, OK?" I said, suddenly nervous that Nessie would try to do the same things I had. The whole family chose that moment to arrive.

"What are you guys talking about?" Rose asked, walking in.

"Nothing" We all chorused. Rose shrugged.

"I'm bored" Alice whined, throwing herself on the sofa and making a face.

"Me too" Emmett agreed, complaining.

"Well, what do you wanna do?" Nessie asked.

"Let's play Monopoly" Jasper suggested from the doorway, grinning.

"No way, you _always_ win" Edward said, coming over to hug me. "It's getting boring"

Particularly because Edward cheated, Jasper and Alice did too, and Emmett had a _teeny weeny_ habit of shattering things- like, oh, I dunno, _houses_- when he was mad. Which, according to Esme, was neither good nor fun. I can't really say I disagreed.

"So, no board games, then" Rose agreed.

"_Definitely_ no board games" Jacob answered. Huh, that was a first. My vampire sister-in-law was actually _agreeing _with my werewolf son-in-law. How weird can the world _get_?

"But I'm _bored_!" Alice complained "And we already watched _every single_ DVD here, _I_ already re-organized my closet _and _Rosalie's, internet shopping was just banned by Carlisle _and _there is not a single mall within a 1000 mile radius that I have not ravaged! I _hate_ the summer!"

"Well, school is hardly any better" Edward pointed out. Nessie nodded emphatically. Her opinions about high school had been made clear to the family when she arrived after her first day shrieking 'My brain is burning! My brain, Carlisle, my _brain_!' And I have to admit that catching her beloved mom and dad in a rather… compromising position had not helped the matter any.

"OK, suckers, _focus_!" Jake yelled "Esme is away shopping in Home Depot-"

"Do _not_ say the word shopping again" Alice interrupted fiercely.

"-And Carlisle is away at the hospital, _working_" He went on, disgusted. "Meaning that _we_ are all alone"

"So you're saying we should… do something _bad_?" Jazz guessed.

"Something… _forbidden_" Emmett agreed, his eyes shining wildly. Oh, God, please help us.

"I will not let you people corrupt my daughter!" Edward argued "Disobeying our parents is bad!"

"So says the guy that became a stripper" Jake muttered. Nessie giggled a little hysterically. "I hardly think Esme and Carlisle allowed _that_"

Edward shut up. Also a first.

"I have an idea!" Alice, who had been oddly silent, shrieked, clapping her hands excitedly. We all looked at her, expectation on all our faces.

"What is it, Alice?" Rose asked warily.

"Let's play a game…"

THE END

**

* * *

**

**OH, GOD, GUYS. **

**IT'S DONE. PLEASE DON'T ASK ME TO WRITE MORE. I JUST… FEEL THIS IS THE WAY FOR IT TO GO. **

**I WOULD APPRECIATE YOUR REVIEWS TELLING ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT, WHAT YOU LIKED THE MOST AND ANY FUNNY EXPERIENCES YOU HAD WHILE READING THIS OR BECAUSE OF IT. JUST, PLEASE, GUYS, PLEASE, LISTEN TO ME.**

**2960 PEOPLE READ THIS LAST MONTH. THAT'S AN AVERAGE OF 3000 PEOPLE PER MONTH. SO IF EVERYONE WHO HAS READ THIS LEAVES ME A REVIEW, I OUGHT TO HAVE 5000 REVIEWS IN… ABOUT A WEEK. SO PLEASE, REVIEW. AND IF YOU WANNA REVIEW EVERY CHAPTER, OR YOUR FAVORITE CHAPTER AFTERWARDS, I'D APPRECIATE THAT.**

**THANKS SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING, GUYS. YOU CHANGED MY LIFE. I HOPE I CHANGED YOURS, TOO- MADE IT JUST A BIT BETTER, IF ONLY FOR A LITTLE WHILE. IT'S NICE TO KNOW PEOPLE FROM ****UK, USA, AUSTRALIA, CANADA, NEW ZEALAND, SINGAPORE, IRELAND, MEXICO, GERMANY, BRAZIL, FRANCE, PHILIPPINES, INDIA, NETHERLANDS, DOMINICAN, SWEDEN, PANAMA, DENMARK, TRINIDAD, JAMAICA, PERU, CHINA, THAILAND, BRUNEI, HUNGARY, TUNISIA, POLAND, ESTONIA, MALAYSIA, HONG KONG, BELGIUM, ROMANIA, NORWAY, LATVIA, PUERTO RICO, ECUADOR, ARGENTINA, GHANA, BULGARIA, SWITZERLAND, AUSTRIA, CZECH REVAR, INDONESIA, TURKEY, QATAR, SPAIN, VIETNAM, SOUTH AFRICA, SLOVENIA, PAKISTAN, GUAM, PORTUGAL, GREECE, TAIWAN AND UAE**** READ THIS.**

**OH, BTW, I GOTTA CLEAR SOMETHING UP:**

**THE GAME ALICE SUGGESTS AT THE END IS TRUTH OR DARE. AND, AS USUAL, SHE GETS HER WAY. THEY PLAY. BUT THAT, DEAR READERS, IS ANOTHER STORY…**


	42. EXTRA: Back to school

EXTRA: BACK TO SCHOOL

JPOV

It was five a.m. Why the _hell _was Emmett knocking on my door at _five a.m_?

I disentangled myyself from Alice and opened the door.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I hissed, glaring at my brother's happy face. He better have a good reason for this...

"Dude, you know what day this is?" He grinned.

"I know I'm gonna break your face if you don't get to the point soon" I crossed my arms.

"It's the first day of school!" Emmett bellowed.

"Just like it has been for the last fifty years!" I boomed back. The stupid sonofabitch ignored me.

"Remember that picture with Mrs. Cope on it? The one with the thong?" He asked slyly "Cause I have plans for it..."

"You mean you want us to...?"

"Exactly" He agreed. "You in?"

"Definitely"

* * *

Mrs. Cope's POV

I stopped dead in my tracks when I walked by the teachers' room.

What in the name of heaven was the cause of all that racket? I opened the door to peek in and get a scoop on what was happening.

Everyone was laughing. What was going on? Maybe a student had done something paarticularly stupid...

"There she is!" Someone yelled. Everyone turned to stare at me and went on laughing.

What the...?

"Nice pic, Cassidy" Mr. Polsand said, giving me a slap in the back and a wink.

"Who took it, anyway, John?" Ms Susan asked., giggling.

And then I understood. It was in the left corner of the room, pasted on the bulletin board. I had a sexy smirk on my face and my legs spread wide open to reveal my black lace thong.

Oh, God.

I was never gonna live that down.

* * *

**Well, that was the last part. I just thought of it. Of course, Bella never told Nessie or Jake that.**

**Anyways, my new story is up! It's called TWILIGHT PARODY and is as funny as this one.**

**Check it out! BTW, the link to my blog is at the bottom of my profile. Comment on it, plz.**

**Also, I want to make a story in which Edward and Bella are coworkers, but I can't think of a job. I don't like the FBI (done already- by everyone) or as doctors, since I don't know tthe first thing about medicine. Reporters are a possibility, but I need help!  
Care to share any ideas? You guys would, of course, get credit if I used it. This will be my first actual series that is not funny but a good story. **

**REVIEW, CAUSE YOU LOVE ME AND MY STORY!**

**xoxo**

**Lizzy**


	43. Chapter 43

**IMPORTANT! PLEASE READ ALL OF THIS!**

**I HAVE SEVERAL ANOUNCEMENTS TO MAKE**

**1. TRUTH OR DARE IS BEING TRADUCED TO SPANISH AND WILL BE UPLOADED SOON IN MY ACCOUNT lizzyvampenespaniol**

**2. THERE ARE TWO NEW COMEDIES IN MY PROFILE (BY ME, OF COURSE) NAMED OH MY ICECREAM AND TWILIGHT PARODY TO KEEP YOU GUYS LAUGHING. **

**3. REMEMBER THE A/J CHAPTER PREVIEW I POSTED ONCE? THAT FIC IS NOW UP AND CALLED WHAT MY GIRLFRIEND DOESN'T KNOW. THERE IS ALSO A NEVER SEEN BEFORE FIC CALLED FLYING HIGH FOR ALL THOSE AU-HUMAN LOVERS.**

**4. LIKE ANGST? THE VOLTURI GUARD'S MEMORIES AND BEST SERVED COLD ARE ALL ABOUT THAT.**

**5. IF YOU SEE ANY CONTESTS, ENTER ME PLEASE!**

**6. CONTEST!!! YES, GUYS, A CONTEST!!! THE RULES ARE THE FOLLOWING:**

**A) MUST BE ONE CHAPTER LONG**

**B) MUST HAVE ONE IN-CANON COUPLE KISS**

**C) MUST MAKE ME CRY (THIS IS GONNA BE HARD)**

**TO NOMINATE A FIC JUST PM ME WITH THE NAME AND AUTHOR, TELL ME WHY YOU LOVED IT (YES, YOU CAN NOMINATE YOURSELVES). YOU HAVE ONE WEEK, GUYS! NOMINATIONS WILL BE POSTED AT THE VERY BOTTOM OF MY PROFILE AND THE VOTING WILL TAKE PLACE BY PMS. VOTING WILL LAST ONE WEEK, TOO. WINNERS SHOULD BE POSTED IN TWO WEEKS AND TWO DAYS. THEY WIN... POPULARITY. 2, 890 PEOPLE READ THIS A MOTNH. THEY WILL BE MENTIONED HERE. YOU DO THE MANTH.**


End file.
